About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

They call me THE (economic) STIMULATOR

So I'm laying in bed this morning, idly trying to rub one off when my mind starts to wander. I'm mentally spending the forty bonus bucks from Belk's that has been burning a hole in my pocket all week, and thinking "Would you just hurry up and COME already, and get the fuck off of me?" I opened my eyes and realized I was talking to my HAND and just said to hell with it.

I came out to the living room and checked my email and found this from the Innocent Bystander (and NO, I did not ask him if I could reprint it-what's his is MYNE, yes?):

Hey,
You need to call them mothercuntfuckwadasslickjismheadshiteatingcocksuckerdickfacesmellslikeassturdchewingcumbubbles down at the bank and tell them to put back our 500 dollars and quit taking it out of our account for the house.
Thank you,
My Person

I also received THIS (from my dentist):


Jacquelynn,

Just a friendly reminder about your appointment with Dr. Edward Banas.

Your appointment is:
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
10:00AM


We appreciate your time and will see you then!

Now, most people would, at this point, turn around and go back to bed. But not me! Remember? I have forty bonus bucks to spend! It's going to be a GREAT day.

p.s. Don't forget to comment on this post by November 20th at 5pm CST for your chance to win a slightly used, post MRI, post electrocution, non 3G but works just fine and has 2744 songs on it (which can be removed) IPhone!




3 comments:

Dana said...

Hmmm maybe you are more in need of that Erotica than you put on?

derfina said...

Hmmm. Maybe that's it. I need new MATERIAL. Help me out, ya'll!

hockeyman said...

sounds like a perfect morning! So what did you decide to buy? After you release, do you foodie? Just curious...