They call me THE (economic) STIMULATOR

So I'm laying in bed this morning, idly trying to rub one off when my mind starts to wander. I'm mentally spending the forty bonus bucks from Belk's that has been burning a hole in my pocket all week, and thinking "Would you just hurry up and COME already, and get the fuck off of me?" I opened my eyes and realized I was talking to my HAND and just said to hell with it.

I came out to the living room and checked my email and found this from the Innocent Bystander (and NO, I did not ask him if I could reprint it-what's his is MYNE, yes?):

Hey,

You need to call them mothercuntfuckwadasslickjismheadshiteatingcocksuckerdickfacesmellslikeassturdchewingcumbubbles down at the bank and tell them to put back our 500 dollars and quit taking it out of our account for the house.

Thank you,

My Person

I also received THIS (from my dentist):

Jacquelynn,

Just a friendly reminder about your appointment with Dr. Edward Banas.

Your appointment is:

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

10:00AM

We appreciate your time and will see you then!

Now, most people would, at this point, turn around and go back to bed. But not me! Remember? I have forty bonus bucks to spend! It's going to be a GREAT day.

p.s. Don't forget to comment on this post by November 20th at 5pm CST for your chance to win a slightly used, post MRI, post electrocution, non 3G but works just fine and has 2744 songs on it (which can be removed) IPhone!