About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I'm eggcited!

Oh shit, oh dear.  Literally.

I just sat down with a cup of coffee so strong that my teeth should have dissolved as soon as the first drop sizzled through my lips, and as I began my descent into the very personal nest I've constructed here, Ahab rushed over to the edge of his cage and projectile shat at me.  Seems this soft diet coupled with the fruit juices I've been pushing on him have enabled him to squirt liquified crap halfway across the room with somewhat startling accuracy.  This time, he managed to propel his love offering a full three feet, right onto the dvd player remote.  Loverly. Now I get to clean that from between the buttons with a Q-tip.  He gives a whole new meaning to shooting the shit.

Well, the Innocent Bystander has managed to get me all excited ^^groucho eyebrows^^ from halfway around the world.  I woke up this morning to no less than eleven emails from him, each touting a different hotel in Central America.  Seems he's been picking up on my travel jones and has decided that we need to go someplace warm when he comes home.  We are going to do one of those ecotours in either Belize, Costa Rica or Panama, but haven't decided which one yet. We want to find someplace with lots of birds and wildlife, and I am dying to go on a zip line tour. This time I will make sure to take some xanax with me, although a friend who went to Costa Rica a few years ago said you can buy stuff like that over the counter there.  I prefer not to tempt fate, though.  

Well, I'm outta here.  I am going to do a once over on the houseboat, throw a few loads of laundry through a fartwater wash and see if I can get some help out of the kids or Dar with putting up my outside Christmas lights.  When I found out the IB wasn't going to be home for the holidays I was bummed, but more because I couldn't finger out how I was going to get my lights up without him than I was about him not being here for the actual holiday.  We are not really Christmas spirit kinda kids, but there is little in this world as pretty as the houseboats all lit up at Christmas time with the lights reflecting off the water at night, and we have decorated every year since we bought the place.  Now that I think about it, New Years is going to suck-we sort of host a party every New Years up at the Shingle Mill.  I rectom I will have to take care of that one myownself, because that is another tradition I'm not willing to give up on just because my mo' betterer half is absent.  I need to get BUSY!  *smooches*


darsden said...

I'm too sexy for myself sometimes.. LOL ... Get them kids UP...Tell, Ronnie We Need him... WE CAN DO IT... Cool Gator Pic.

Strange Pilgram said...

Happy Sunday! You could take a agritouristic trip to Italy ;) Not much wildlife here though.

derfina said...

dar-kids up already and have their own plans so I'm cleaning house.

Strange-Happy Sunday to you, too. I am dying to go back to Italy, but the Unit doesn't want to go back to Europe until April because of the weather. I tried to tell him Holland is not ALL of Europe, but he is not buying it. This way, I'll get to do BOTH! *wink*

Eric S. said...

Your Molockan obviously has a fun attitude.

Rebecca Hickman said...

Is that alligator photo for real?

Mrs. G. said...

You are totally too sexy!

Pearl said...

I was shit on by two different birds this summer. That'll teach me to sit under trees!
Am picturing you cleaning the remote of bird crap with a Q-tip. Girl, you have my sympathies.

Braja said...

I don't know what you did to make that crocodile leap like that, and I don't know how I missed in your profile that you collect redheaded womyn. My little image is an absolute likeness...

derfina said...

eric-I WISH that was one of my birds-although not the one with the overactive poopchute.

rebecca-Not sure-I got both that pic and the cockatoo by googling excited animal images

Mrs. G-takes one to know one *wink*

Pearl-I think it is genetic-my maternal grandmother was chit upon more times than I care to think about.

Braja-Ha! And they worry about MY short term memory!

*smooches to all*