About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Friday, November 21, 2008

A birthday and an anniversary



Once again, I'd like to congratulate Pearl, who won the IPhone giveaway contest.  I wish I had more of them to give away, because they really are phenomenal tools. (Heh.  I said tools.)  You never know-with my luck, next month they will come out with a new, improved 4G model which naturally I will have to have.  Just in case, I will make sure that my new IPhone gets no MRI's unless we REALLY suspect the worst.

We had a cold front come through last night.  Cold fronts and tropical weather systems are really the only time being on a houseboat feels different than being in a house on land.  And cold fronts are the most fun-tropical systems come in waves, with breaks between each turbulent period, but cold fronts are steady, pounding motion.  This is when most people opt to go to their more stable homes on land if they have them, but not me.  I love the motion of the ocean, so to speak.  Go figger.  Sleeping last night was sublime-like being rocked and patted on the butt all night long.  I slept like a baby.

Dar and I did go get mah BAYBEEZ! yesterday, which was a hoot.  Two womyn 'of a certain age' driving down the interstate trying to maintain a mutually agreeable temperature was fun enough.  Add to that the fact that both of us had supersized our soft drinks at Micky Dees.  We are getting close to the state line, and she looks at me and says something along the lines of "I need to pee.  How about stopping at the rest area at the state line?  I don't like to pee at gas stations."  I looked at her quizzically and she said "I just don't like to waste a good blue sign rest area."  I shrugged, thinking "Okay.  I can check off learn something new every day for today."  Just then, I saw a blue sign announcing a rest stop ahead, but it was not the one at the state line, and it was one where you had to get off at an exit to get to the facility rather than just pulling off of the interstate.  I said "Well, I'm gonna pass that one cuz it's a pain in the arse to get to and the Louisiana Welcome Center is just a few miles ahead."  She gave me the stinkeye.

Five miles later as we crossed the state line, we noticed that the highway was under construction.  Another mile up the road, I cringed as I waited for the blows (heh) to start falling, for instead of a nice, welcoming welcome center we were confronted with concrete barriers and a sign stating "Closed for repairs".  Uckfay emay.  She let me have it.  "WHAT did I say about never passing up a blue signed rest area???"  I apologized profusely, but hey?  How the hell was I supposed to know that it would be closed for repairs?  So I tell her not to worry, that I will stop in Slidell.  Now, I've driven to New Orleans at least thirty or forty times, but the Unit Innocent Bystander is flying to Nigeria out of Gulfport rather than New Orleans, so it's been about a year since I've made the drive.  I KNOW that we always stop at the first Slidell exit to get a daiquiri and it is always the wrong exit, so we have to get back on I10 and go to the second Slidell exit, so I tell her that is the plan.  I will pull off at the second exit and we will find an acceptable urinarium.  I pull off the second exit and am all "WHAT THE FORK???  WHERE DID EVERYTHING GO???"  There was NOTHING there.  I was beginning to doubt my sanity, she is holding her legs together to keep from peeing herself and I can see the steam coming out of her ears.  "Second exit, huh?" she says.  "You need to quit blogging and driving and pay some freaking attention to the road, Missy."  I figured maybe lack of sleep and the half a xanax I took prior to the trip had made the old brain a little fuzzy.  I got off at the next exit, found her a restaurant to pee at since she doesn't "DO" gas stations, and we got back on the road.  

The remainder of the trip was just as much fun.  The kids' flight was delayed, so we played in the airport gift shops and restaurants until they got in, about an hour late.  We were all very tired, so instead of playing in the Big Easy, we headed home.  We did all really want a daiquiri, so I decided to once more try to find the elusive Slidell exit with the Daiquiri Shoppe.  Of course, on the trip home, it is always the FIRST exit you come to rather than the second, so it was very easy to find.  We got our drinks, went across the street and got some Powerball tickets, and got back on the road.  A mile up the interstate, we came to that barren exit I had pulled off at on the earlier leg of our trip, and then it dawned on me.  Yes, I'd been blogging and driving, but that does not excuse the State of Louisiana for not informing me that they had, in fact, created a whole NEW Slidell exit, so now there are THREE.  I was not losing my mind.  They slipped one in on me!  (insert your own HEH here.)

Anyway, the kids are home, and I'm picking up El Juevo this evening after rehearsal so I have all my kids here for my birthday, which is the best present I could get.

Speaking of which, it is not only my birthday, it is also the one year anniversary of my 'retirement'.  When I went by the office the other day, I visited my friends and former coworkers, and almost every one of them gave me the old "When are you coming back?"  As I visited with each of them, I noticed this look they all had in their eyes.  They'd ask "How is retirement treating you?" hopefully, almost like they wanted/expected me to say "Aww.  It sucks.  I can't find anything to do to keep me occupied."  When I replied instead with "It's great.  I wake up when the sun wakes me up.  I get to be with my husband when he is home, and get to do my own thang when he is gone.  I have NO stress.  I just wish there were more hours in the days because I'm always running." they'd get this defeated look about them.  No one there looked happy.  They all looked like they would rather be ANYWHERE than where they were.  And they want to know if I'm ready to come back?  Not just no, but HELL NO.  I don't want that haunted, hunted look in MY eyes.  I mean, I miss ya'll, and I love ya'll, but maybe not that much?  I'm just sayin'.

Well, I'm off.  I gave the kids my car, so I have to take the IB's truck and get some gas in it as it is sitting on the big E.  I reckon I'd better take a gas can with me, just in case.  Ya'll stay warm, and have a blessed day!

Lagniappe:



5 comments:

Dana said...

Aww is it your birthday today? Happy 21st (right?) Birthday!

Glad you get all the kiddos there to help ya celebrate. Perhaps this would be a good time to inform them it's time for babies?

julz said...

Hope it was a great birthday. Great blog-I love bathroom stories-a friend is compiling them so that we can use them to embarrass our offspring.
Enjoy the kids, hope y'all have a good holiday.

darsden said...

ROTFLMAO... Happy Birthday 2 U... happy birthday 2 U... Happy birthday dear derfina... happy birthday 2 U... U have dos wishes lefto...Would you like Mobile for 1 of them...? Dinner and a Movie for the 2nd one?? Of Course they are your wishes...I'm just hinting!
I love U..Warts and All... ;-)

derfina said...

Awww. Thanks to all of you. Another trip around the sun-I'm just that much more well traveled. Obviously I'm suffering from early onset Alzheimer's too-I forgot to title my post until just now!

flutter said...

ok that bit about the rocks and scissors cracked me up