About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Monday, November 10, 2008

Friendship...And a Contest!

Yesterday was a hoot.  I went to Gulfport and picked El Juevo up from Mama and Daddy's and took him to get something to eat.  We wanted to go to a movie, but most of the ones we had been waiting for have come and gone while the Innocent Bystander was home, so we settled for one I hadn't heard of, "Zach and Miri Make a Porno".  Now, I'm sure most of you would not choose to go see this with your 21 year old son, but Alex and I are close enough that he knows I have the sense of humor of a fifteen year old boy.  I know he does too.  This movie did not disappoint either one of us.  My stomach hurt I laughed so hard, particularly when Jay from Jay and Silent Bob, who plays Lester in this movie, started talking about a Dutch rudder and a double Dutch rudder, toward the end of the movie.  I was snorting and had tears streaming down my face I was so tickled.  Yes, it is potty mouthed, juvenile humor, but sometimes that is just what is needed to forget about all the political crap we've been surrounded by lately, for a while at least.

After the movie, we headed straight for the coliseum for the last home game for the Seawolves before they go on a 13 game road trip.  We played a team that has not had a regular time loss yet this year, the Wheeling Nailers.  They had beaten us 4-1 on Saturday night, so Alex was not overly enthused about going, although he is never going to turn down a hockey game.  The first period started out with a fight 2 seconds into the game.  That was the highlight of the first period, as they were scoreless, but the second period when they came out, you could tell their attitudes had changed somehow.  They seemed to have decided all of a sudden that they wanted it.  Their passes were crisp, they snapped the puck back and forth like they meant it.  They were playing a very offensive game, and yet...still no score.

The third period, each team scored matching goals within a minute of each other, then the Nailers pulled ahead of us, 3-1.  Attendance was down because of the loss the night before, and when it got down to three minutes left and the score still 3-1, the stands started emptying out.  Big mistake!  The last two minutes of the game, we came back to tie the game and went into sudden death overtime.  About two minutes later, it was in the bag, and we got a hat trick to boot! All those people who left early missed it!  I thought Alex was going to have a stroke!  (Oh, the exclamation points!)  I never knew a head could HAVE that many veins poking out, and the shade of purple he turned was downright disturbing.  I think he blew a vocal cord, he was cheering and hollering so loud, and I know the heel of my hand is bruised from his high fives.  We also got a nice bonus-we always sit in our old season ticket seats, so I saw my old friend Margie.  I got to show off my Kindle, and she is going to mail us her season tickets for the games on Thanksgiving weekend, which will save me about $80, which was really, really sweet of her (they are going to Ohio for the holidays-I'm jealous! *sniff*).

I redeposited Juevo at Mom's and came home to find that someone had left me a little present on my deck.  Laying in front of my door was a cookie sheet holding a baggie full of goo and a typewritten sheet of instructions.  Amish Friendship Bread.

May I just say...MOTHER FUCKER.  What wonderful 'friends' the Amish must be if they give their best buds bags of goo to CARE FOR for ten days?  Why don't you just leave your damn baby on my doorstep?  I have to massage this thing, BURP it, feed it, keep it warm but not too warm, and then, when all is said and done, I am supposed to find SIX of MY BEST FRIENDS to inflict this on???  Not to mention the fact that the last time one of these was saddled on me, (I love you Daddy) when I had followed each instruction to the letter and added my pudding and lovingly baked it according to directions, it turned out GREEN and I was afraid to even let the birds try it much less eat it myself.  I guess if I were to go up to the Shingle Mill I could finger out which mofo GIFTED me with this nasty shit.  I'm sure everyone else who got one will be up there trying to figure out who left them with theirs, too, so the only one up there who is NOT looking searchingly at everyone else HAS to be the culprit.  What are friends for, my ass.

Speaking of friends, I got an email this morning from my friend, the Purv, regarding me trying to finger out a contest to give away my post MRI, post electrocution, non 3G but works just fine and has 2744 songs on it (which can be removed) IPhone (reprinted with permission for those of you keeping track of my ethical self):

"Good Morning..how is Ahab, doing this morning?  How is Derfina, doing this morning..?

I think you should have an essay contest for you I phone... a private essay contest...LOL    You could have everybody interested in submitting you an eroctia...LOL essay...note why it would be private...and the one you got off too the most is the winner....rotflmao..I crack myself up sometimes too... any way just a suggestion...don't worry I would not enter...disqualifycation by association...lol...you see...I have to earn the name I carry every now and then...xoxopurv "

Now that's a real friend.  Always watching out for me, wanting to give me something to keep the old devil's playthings busy whilst the IB is away.  *shakes head*  Don't let her fool ya, though.  When I asked if I could reprint that, her reply was something along the lines of "Yeah, but you gotta share," so I'm guessing she wouldn't mind helping to judge the potential entries.  *snort*  

I'm not going to make it that difficult, though.  The phone will be given to a random commenter to this post.  I will generate the random number on November 20th at or around 5pm CST.  At that point, the winner (who must have provided a contact email address attached to their comment) will be contacted regarding whether or not they want the music left on it and I will get an address to send it to at that point.  Winner is responsible for all charges associated with activating the phone, and no warranties are given or implied.  Good luck, all!  And please-spread the word.








25 comments:

darsden said...

ROTFLMAO...damn..can't purv get some privacy...like I show yamama last night!!!

Dana said...

How bout ya delete everyone else's comments on this post then I get to be the only one therefore, winner by default? I think that might work out nicely for me.

Besides, I am from the great state of Mississippi...Meridian in fact! And my uncle helped build the Beau Rivage. Does any of this even matter? Anywho, here is my comment, with my fingers crossed. You have NO IDEA what kinda phone I'm working with over here!

Dana said...

Uh, with all my begging and pleading I forgot the email address.

miluv4ev1@yahoo.com

darsden said...

If I had an I phone... I'd take pictures and show you why...I am called the purv...rotflmao

SgtSudsWife said...

OH MY! Dana does need a new phone. If I win I will send it to her.

SgtSudsWife said...

Uhhh my email is cadiecoot9101@msn.com

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

Oh man! I've been left the friendship goo too. WTF is that about?? It's like a grow own penicillin chain letter. :)

prayingtodarwin said...

The god damned Amish. They don't care who they piss off. Fuckers.

GiraffeGurl said...

Egad! I quoted you jus today to me udder bosom buddy: Jill. We talked about a reunion with you and wished for a white Christmas. Miss you muchly. *smooches* LOVE the blogs.

darsden said...

dang I thought this comment section would be going on for pages... WTF... don't they know you have an Iphone up for grabs? Dangit ...NO juicey stuff either..

jbrookeb said...

Hey Ms Jackie. Pick me pick me! My aunt Dar Dar told me you would.

robinrobyn said...

Pick me! Darlene said so too!! Send us that phone and we will send you (non-Amish)gourmet caramel apples of your choice!!! (Ask Darlene about them! YUM)
SOunds like a deal??????
robinrobyn@hotmail.com

robinrobyn said...

Pick me! Darlene said so too!
If you send us that phone, we will gladly send you (non-Amish) gourmet caramel apples of your choice!!! Ask Darlene about them. YUM! You'll love them... nice and sticky! LOL
Sounds like a deal?????????
robinrobyn@hotmail.com (Dar's Pals)

Dana said...

Trying to bribe the contest hostess? That's dirty! I should have thought of that!

Eric S. said...

The comments could get interesting indeed. I'll have to sit back and watch to see if we get any hair flying eye gouging, squealing kind of fun, LOL.

Thank goodness no one has ever left that "friendship Goo" on my porch, I probably would have called Haz-Mat LOL.

Your posts always leave me laughing.

Pearl said...

THe Friendship Bread is right up there with the e-mail I received with a recipe for a brownie you can make in your microwave in less than two minutes. No friend of mine would put the next size up in pants within such easy reach!!

Oh, and PICK ME! PICK ME!

Pearl

Dana said...

Oh, and the friendship goo, I haven't seen any of that since I was a kid and people kept giving it to my mother. Back then, I thought it was a great thing, now I wonder.

I don't know why this didn't bring the lurkers out. I really don't know. Maybe they thought you were going to give them friendship goo in the shape of an iPhone?

Juniper said...

ooh! Pick me mr. randomizer page. Pretty please!

Dana said...

Here I am again...just ensuring a win.

Eric S. said...

OK, I'll leave just one more. I'm not desperate in any way, no not at all.

Dana said...

Okay, here I am again. Do I really look that desperate for the phone? I suppose I do. Oh well. No shame in my game. Can't beat a FREE iPhone. Really. Ya can't.

I am going to drive myself crazy waiting for 5pm. All I can say is if I don't win the randomizer is BROKEN.

bourlandzoo said...

Hey Jackie! Dar got me on this Blog and i think you are freakin hilarious. I love to read it. It so beats TV. And to know now who the Purv is is so fitting! Keep up the good work girl!

darsden said...

Oh, My...getting close to that time...

robinrobyn said...

OK, OK!!! Pick me for the ipod recipient, and not only will I send you the caramel apples I mentioned earlier, but I will also send you a dozen double dipped, double stuffed oreo cookies!!! Your blogs are the best blogs ever! Keep it up, even if I don't get the phone. Robin

robinrobyn said...

Did I mention that my cell phone is so old that it doesn't even have a camera in it? OMG! (Proof is available upon request! LOL)