About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I'm a winner, and I'm a loser, baby!

*hums* "They tried to make me go to rehab but I said no, no, no"

The drying out process has begun.

I put the Innocent Bystander on the plane Monday morning and immediately called the Purv.  We met at the Starbucks closest to the airport for coffee and scones as she happened to be in the area.  She had just returned from a trip to Destin and wasn't feeling well, so we weren't able to visit for long.  Since I was worried about Ahab, I came back to the houseboat to check on him, and decided to paint the new pumphouse we had built last week.  I'm the type of procrastinator who will usually put something like that off until the day before The Innocent Bystander gets home then try to get it done at the last minute.  In those cases, with my luck, it typically rains, so then I'm outted as both a lazy arse AND a liar, since by then I've assured him at least ten times that it has been done.  Not this time.  I knocked it out the day he left, so now all I have to do is the trim, which I may actually get to this afternoon.  Maybe.  Heh.

The first week he is gone is as usual going to be insane.  First, there is the guilt mommying.  El Juevo has been at mama and daddy's for basically the last month, so I'm missing him like crazy and hopefully vice versa.  I picked him up Monday evening and took him to see High School Musical III and brought him home so he could sleep in his own house for a change, and so we could go vote together before he had to be back at school for rehearsal on the new play.  It was so cool going in there with him for his first presidential election as a voter.  Of course I would have preferred to dress him myself, but I've tried to always let the kids express themselves pretty freely hair/clothing-wise, so I shut up about it and just was thankful he was interested in the process and probably much more informed about the candidates than I was and was VOTING!  As always, when my ballot was cast, the hairs on my arms stood up and I felt a little shiver that was almost orgasmic in quality.  I don't take that right lightly-I know too well how lucky we are to have been born in this country and to have the freedoms we do.  Also as always when he is passionate about something, when we got back into the car, Alex was everso enthusiastic about discussing each and every race in detail.  

We went shopping for a jacket for him and picked up a few things around the mall, then came back here so I could service the birds one more time before I took him back to school.  I also had to pack an overnight bag, as my sister in law and I had planned a trip to the Beau Rivage to take advantage of a free night she was comped in their adjoining hotel.  Ahab seemed to be doing fine, so I dosed him up and chopped up some fresh banana and gave him plenty of soft stuff to hold him off through the night-I was really on the fence about leaving him, but we'd made reservations weeks ago and it was too late to cancel by the time I thought to tell her about it.  I dropped Juevo off at school and took his stuff back to mom's, then headed over to the Purv's to check on her for a bit before I was to meet up with my sister in law.  We bowled three games on her Wii, which was fun, but between painting the elevated pumphouse and the bowling I think I found a muscle I didn't know I had or maybe AN ALIEN HAS SPAWNED IN MY BACK, not sure which.  It was fun, though, and she didn't beat the snot out of me.

I drove to my mother in law's to meet up with the IB's sister, and we followed each other to the hotel so I could leave early to get home to take care of Ahab.  We checked in and headed down to start gambling.  I played on a machine that she usually plays and immediately got lucky and was up by about forty bucks, so we went over to the buffet to eat dinner.  We got in the line and stood there for about 5 minutes with no movement whatsoever.  All of a sudden a casino employee came up to the line to the people in front of us and said "From here back, please follow me, I'm taking you to the other side."  She led us over to the VIP entrance.  Two minutes later, when I was at the cashier's booth to pay for the meals, the cashier asked if I had a player's card.  I showed it to her and she said "Someone just left this coupon here for a two for one buffet, why don't I just let you use it?" and she smiled and charged me for one meal instead of two!  After our meal, I decided since my tactic of playing machines my sister in law usually plays had worked earlier, I would re-employ it, so I found a "Stinkin' Rich" penny slot and just on a whim, played the max bet, which amounted to three dollars.  I hit a bonus on my first spin, which won me 35 free spins.  During those free spins, I hit another bonus for 25 more, then another for 15 more.  By the time the 75 free spins were up, I was up to $231 off of a $3 bet.  I mighta been born at night, but not last night, so I CASHED OUT.

I looked around for my partner in crime, but she was nowhere to be found, so I went up to the room to stash what amounted to $303 between what I'd won and what I'd brought to gamble with.  I put the $3 up for the valet and stashed $200 in my overnight bag.  I stuck the other hundred in my pocket and headed back to the casino.  I found her at a progressive machine and figured since my luck had been so good thus far, I would give the million a shot.  I stuck my hundred dollar bill in the machine and lost half of it in no time at all, then switched back to the first machine I'd started on and proceeded to feed it the rest.  By that time, she had worked hers up a little, and did not want to leave.  I can't just sit there with no money, and I am not going to risk any of what winnings I'd managed to tuck away, so I told her I was going to the room and went back and watched election results.  She came up later still a winner but wanting to go back "Because they really start hitting late at night."  I'll take her word for it.  In any case, the acceptance speech was fixing to start, so she abandoned that and went to bed to watch and provide me with color.  *SNORT*  (Sorry.  Sometimes I slay myself.)

I didn't sleep well (election? ahab? back?) so I got up early and headed home, where all is well.  I did some writing, and now am fixing to go get ready to pick up Boobielicious to go with El Juevo and me to the hockey game tonight.  This will be his first time to meet her, so I'm interested in seeing his reaction to his potential new mommie and the twins.  *rolling on floor in a fit of giggles*

I'll let ya'll know how it goes!  *wink*


Di said...

How did Ahab do overnight? Is his bruised beak starting to heal?

derfina said...

He seems to be doing okay, although I'm worried about how much nutrition he is getting. We go see the vet tomorrow, so I'll know more then. He has been grooming Moby and has taken a few baths in the past couple of days, which is encouraging. And I'm much better at administering his meds now that the IB is gone. (???)

darsden said...

Man it's great to be back online... I been needing to know what you have been up too! Temp. Fix my dell till real laptop gets back...excited I fixed myself... at least I'm able to be on line..being off over a week really sucked...! Had a lot of reading to do... and then there wuz YaMama yanking on me...damngirl needs a hobby....

Anonymous said...

I said No No No too. Maybe it will be for real. He goes deer hunting tomorrow for the weekend. Normally my detox time.
Hope your bird is ok.
"course I might have to have a wake for our country..dunno, some alcohol and girlfriends might be in order

Anonymous said...

Dude! You made some good cash!

derfina said...

dar-missed you too! Glad to see you're back in bloggyville

anon-bird is somewhat better-gained 6 grams since Saturday which is HUGE

gnome-*wicked evil grin* yep. AND I did not re-donate it all back! That is ALWAYS a success!