About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

All my children


Nemo is fixing to get on my last nerve. I guess because of all the attention Ahab has been getting, he has become particularly needy, and he is about to "Good morning" me to death. You have never heard so many variations on a theme, and the only difference is tone. LAWDY, this one is fooking creative with tone.

He wants me to pick him up and love him up, but I'm pressed for time. I spend a good portion of each evening with him 'on' me in one form or fashion, as he loves being rubbed and scratched and petted. The problem I'm having is that Ahab is not two feet away from me, watching EVERY. MOVE. I. MAKE. Moby is there, too, but Nemo did not put a hole in Moby's beak. Also, Moby is a dipshit. Well, maybe not so much a dipshit as he might have a slight touch of birdie autism. Either way, he seems somewhat oblivious to his surroundings most of the time, unless he's busy being a mean little jackass. Ahab, though, is so very obviously totally aware of what I am doing and what THAT BIG MEAN BIRD is doing, and I feel so dadburned guilty sitting here stroking and loving on his assailant. But if I don't, we are back to 'good morning'-loud, screechy, and seeming to come at me through a clenched beak in an accusatory tone. I don't need this sheet.

SO...I am going to see my magical mystical hairdresser Lauren, who will once more allow me to experience what it is like to have white girl hair (with no visible gray roots). When she is done performing her voodoo on my head I am going to go by my old office, where I will hopefully see my Serious Bitch for a few minutes, then will drop in on two of my former fellow call girls, and when I'm done there, will pick up my second wyfe and take her to lunch. After that, I am going to go pick El Juevo up from rehearsal and go do something with him, although I'm not yet sure what, before I take him back to Mom's. It is going to be a busy day, and the rest of the week will be just as busy-I have to get the house ready for company because Thursday I'm going to the airport in New Orleans to pick up Ronny and Jamie,


who will be here throughout the Thanksgiving holidays. I may not have the Innocent Bystander home, but I will have all of my babies and my mom and dad under one roof for turkey day. I have a lot to be thankful for!

Well, I'm off to the house to take a non-fartwater shower before I go get my hair done. Ya'll try to have some fun today. Maybe this will get a grin out of you to get you started-it did me!





9 comments:

Dana said...

Funny story. You always talk about these gorgeous birds and I was going to comment asking for a picture,and what do ya know?

Beautiful bird! I love birds, but I am afraid of them. Those beaks look like they could really hurt. I'm not much into pain unless you count...well nevermind.

Fine looking kids you got there (I assume son and wife?). How wonderful that you will have everyone (except the very important Unit, yes I still think the Unit when I read IB) together for Thanksgiving.

Pearl said...

:-)
You put me right there, your bird squawking "Good morning!" in accusatory tones.

Very nice! Thanks for the laugh!

Pearl

gnomespeak said...

Ohhh, poor Moby! I feel bad, but I laughed my ass off.

darsden said...

I am so excited, I am going to see my other son soon! Cool Beans!

derfina said...

dana-great minds think alike, eh? and yes, that's my oldest son Ronny. Oddly, he has no nickname.

pearl-you GOT me! Yay!

gnome-bless his little head banging self. i'd feel sorry for him if he wasn't such a mean little bastard.

dar-I KNOW...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ride with me to New Orleans? *whispers: lotto tickets, daiquiris, french quarter*

*smooches*

Braja said...

Hey, did I write in too late to get smooches???

darsden said...

It's gonna Cost YOu big Time! It will cost cho uno wisho...you have dos lefto...YaMama workohardo for those Os...but it's ur birthdayoahweeko.

darsden said...

Smooches and a wink to Braja from the darstar...

derfina said...

braja-never too late for smooches around here. Especially for a redhead! *SMOOCHES* ^^groucho eyebrows^^

dar-thankee thankee thankee!