Ten Things

It's the weekend, and I am going to take the easy way out today because I didn't sleep well last night.  I said a prayer as I went to bed, offering to bear someone else's pain if it would give that person a sweet night of peace, and I'm hoping that that was the case.  With no further ado, I give you ten things you may or may not know about me.

1.  I am a positive person.  I was not always like that, but one day a light bulb went off and I realized life would be much easier if I focused on what I CAN do rather than what I CAN'T.  

2.  I do pray a lot.  I am not always sure to whom or what I am praying and no one will ever accuse me of being religious, but I firmly believe in the power of prayer.  I don't know if it is a focusing of positive energy or just how it works, but some things you just have to take on faith.

3.  I blow my nose like someone's old grandpaw blowing hockers in his hanky.  Now, I am not the most feminine of girls by any stretch of the imagination, but I recently realized just how ludicrous this sounded when I saw the look of HORROR on my gurrrlfriend's face as I turned around delicately wiping the edges of my nose. *snort*

4.  I am an extremist.  I like my coffee scalding hot and my beer ice cold, thank you very much.  And I am going to drink them while they are still hot or cold, which means I drink them very quickly.  Keep your "SLUGGO" comments to yourself.

5.  I bit my nails until I was thirty three years old.  I quit by wearing a rubber band on my wrist and snapping it hard every time my hands got close to my face.  I didn't think it would work since I was aware of what I was doing, but it did.  Now I pick my cuticles and scabs instead, so my hands are still a disaster.

6.  I am very picky.  If the coffee isn't Starbucks French Roast Extra Bold or the beer isn't Busch Light in a bottle, I don't want it.  Don't give me your brand of something and tell me to just try it because I don't farking want it!  If that hurts your feelers, I'm sorry.  It's just how I am.  It is not a comment on you or your peculiar taste, I just like the things I am comfortable with.  Get over it.

7.  I am a cheap date.  One of my favorite things to do is to ride up the river and sit under the interstate and see how many truckers I can get to "honk me".  No lie.  I could sit there all day and every honk would still be just as exhilarating as the last.

8.  I have a bird I have to spell in front of.  I chit you not.

9.  I have a chandelier in my kitchen (HA-in a houseboat the size of a large shoe, no less) that I have been actively hating for three years.  If you are willing to come take it out, you can have it. I really can't finger out why it is still there, since the Innocent Bystander is so tall that he whacks his head on it at least once a day.  I'd love to meet the fooktard who decided to put it there so I could kick him in the gonadial region.

10.  I hoard certain things.  You would think I grew up in the depression or something, the way I stockpile toilet paper and coffee and books-I have probably THIRTY books on my Kindle that I haven't even started-I can't take a chance of running out, don'tcha know?

Well, that is it for today.  No vaginas, penises, or boobies to be found. I am off for a boat ride with the Innocent Bystander, then we are going our separate ways.  He is going to spend the night (we are such responsible drinkers-heh) with an old friend and they are going to watch sports and eat beans and light each other's farts and drink until they puke.  I am spending the night with my favorite Purv and we are going to eat steaks and play Wii games and prolly do something illegal.  Use your imagination.  Have a safe and happy Saturday.