About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Ten Things

It's the weekend, and I am going to take the easy way out today because I didn't sleep well last night.  I said a prayer as I went to bed, offering to bear someone else's pain if it would give that person a sweet night of peace, and I'm hoping that that was the case.  With no further ado, I give you ten things you may or may not know about me.

1.  I am a positive person.  I was not always like that, but one day a light bulb went off and I realized life would be much easier if I focused on what I CAN do rather than what I CAN'T.  

2.  I do pray a lot.  I am not always sure to whom or what I am praying and no one will ever accuse me of being religious, but I firmly believe in the power of prayer.  I don't know if it is a focusing of positive energy or just how it works, but some things you just have to take on faith.

3.  I blow my nose like someone's old grandpaw blowing hockers in his hanky.  Now, I am not the most feminine of girls by any stretch of the imagination, but I recently realized just how ludicrous this sounded when I saw the look of HORROR on my gurrrlfriend's face as I turned around delicately wiping the edges of my nose. *snort*

4.  I am an extremist.  I like my coffee scalding hot and my beer ice cold, thank you very much.  And I am going to drink them while they are still hot or cold, which means I drink them very quickly.  Keep your "SLUGGO" comments to yourself.

5.  I bit my nails until I was thirty three years old.  I quit by wearing a rubber band on my wrist and snapping it hard every time my hands got close to my face.  I didn't think it would work since I was aware of what I was doing, but it did.  Now I pick my cuticles and scabs instead, so my hands are still a disaster.

6.  I am very picky.  If the coffee isn't Starbucks French Roast Extra Bold or the beer isn't Busch Light in a bottle, I don't want it.  Don't give me your brand of something and tell me to just try it because I don't farking want it!  If that hurts your feelers, I'm sorry.  It's just how I am.  It is not a comment on you or your peculiar taste, I just like the things I am comfortable with.  Get over it.

7.  I am a cheap date.  One of my favorite things to do is to ride up the river and sit under the interstate and see how many truckers I can get to "honk me".  No lie.  I could sit there all day and every honk would still be just as exhilarating as the last.

8.  I have a bird I have to spell in front of.  I chit you not.

9.  I have a chandelier in my kitchen (HA-in a houseboat the size of a large shoe, no less) that I have been actively hating for three years.  If you are willing to come take it out, you can have it. I really can't finger out why it is still there, since the Innocent Bystander is so tall that he whacks his head on it at least once a day.  I'd love to meet the fooktard who decided to put it there so I could kick him in the gonadial region.

10.  I hoard certain things.  You would think I grew up in the depression or something, the way I stockpile toilet paper and coffee and books-I have probably THIRTY books on my Kindle that I haven't even started-I can't take a chance of running out, don'tcha know?

Well, that is it for today.  No vaginas, penises, or boobies to be found. I am off for a boat ride with the Innocent Bystander, then we are going our separate ways.  He is going to spend the night (we are such responsible drinkers-heh) with an old friend and they are going to watch sports and eat beans and light each other's farts and drink until they puke.  I am spending the night with my favorite Purv and we are going to eat steaks and play Wii games and prolly do something illegal.  Use your imagination.  Have a safe and happy Saturday.


Anonymous said...

Just found your blog and i don`t really get the vagina joke, yet, but do have admit that it seems pretty funny :)

derfina said...

Glad you stopped by. Go back a few posts and it will prolly make a LOT more sense! *wink*

Eric S. said...

I love it, You are down right my kind of person. I come from the country, a slightly different geographic, but the country no doubt. Your sense of fun, pegs out the old fun meter to no end. I can still remember running down the hill to the highway so we could pump our hands above our head and get the truckers to honk at us.

derfina said...

Glad you found me, and glad I got someone to picture EXACTLY what makes my panties wet!

Eric S. said...

ROFLMAO, your just too much. I wrote about ya.


derfina said...

I guess I'm going to have to start baking. Thanks Eric! I owe ya, dude!