About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Monday, October 6, 2008

To tell or not to tell...that is the question.

Tomorrow is the spousal Unit's birthday, and I've been pondering what to give him.

In a comment earlier, someone asked if he knows I blog and suggested I tell him for our anniversary.  He doesn't know.  But he does know that I'm up to something.  I have been doing an awful lot of inappropriate giggling to myself, as I see so much that strikes me as funny that I contemplate writing about, usually when he is talking to me.  He's talking to me about politics and says "I'm officially undecided at this point.  I'm waiting to see which one..."  He kept on talking, but my eyes glazed over and I imagined telling him about my blog for his birthday since our anniversary is so far off.  (Face it.  I'm not that deep.)

Me:  Happy Birthday, baby.  Guess what I've been doing while you were gone?

Him:  *looking around* Um...Collecting dust?  Seeing how long you can go without cleaning the dryer vent?  Fucking up the toilets?  Eating bonbons?

Me:  Asshole.  No, I started a blog.

Him: *blank look*

Me:  You prolly won't want to read it though.  It's mostly about girl stuff.  

Him:  Why don't you want me to read it?

Me:  I didn't say I didn't want you to read it.  I said you probably wouldn't want to.  Especially when you get to the parts where I talk about your penis and our sex life and such.

Him:  Why would you talk about my penis and our sex life?

Me:  *wicked evil grin*  Because they are FUNNY.

Him:  *dark look*

Me:  But I've actually made money doing it.  Heh.  I said doing it.  

Him:  *perking up*  Really? (I knew saying doing it would get his attention.)

Me:  *proudly* Yep.  Triple digits! *coughifyoucountthedecimalcough* I just wanted you to know, because now everything you do is now going to be blog fodder.  In fact, I may just call you the Blogfodder.

Then I drifted into imagining us bumping uglies with him giving it to me nice and hard, telling me: BLOG. *thrust* ABOUT. *thrust* THIS. *thrust*  

I started laughing out loud and he looked at me and I almost blushed, but then I remembered that it was all in my head and that he had no idea he had just been banging my brains out. 

He'd probably prefer a blowjob.






6 comments:

Maggie, Dammit said...

OK, this is hysterical. This is my favorite part:

"Yep. Triple digits! *coughifyoucountthedecimalcough* "

I can't believe he doesn't know! Yowza.

derfina said...

1. He's been gone for two months.
2. I distract him with hot monkey lovin'.
3. He has "a lot of drinking to catch up on" when he's home. So. *smooches*

Dana said...

Blog about this! Priceless. I will now be constantly stalking your blog. Not that I like to read about other people's sex lives and penis stories though. Truly.

just a girl... said...

I love that you said bumping uglies. LOL

Eric S. said...

BlogFodder, I'm still laughing.

Di said...

my husband FORGETS I have a blog...and yet I send him the link and tell him I wrote about it and even his DAD reads it! Maybe perhaps he SAYS he forgets while secretly reading what I have rambling on in my head.Hmmmmmm, that would be quite "smart" of him.

We were sepearted for THREE YEARS while he again educated himself for the fourth & fifth time and got to see each other about every 6-8 weeks. 12 was the longest, so I know how you feel lol.

PS- I'm a secret stalker of yours. But, I guess I'm not so secret if I tell you though huh...