Dear Ann Landers,
I have this problem. I can't sleep at night because I write letters in my head all night. And have conversations. Are these the voices they always warn you about? Do I need to worry?
Now I just mull. This particular mulling I was doing was regarding this blog. At some point, when you start to write chit down, you have to deal with a few things like whether or not you disguise the principals, whether you censor yourself to avoid conflict or to avoid dealing with issues that you really SHOULD write about, that sort of thing.
First off. Do you name names? I decided that since this is more of a journal than anything, that it would not make sense to NOT name names. It is very doubtful that anyone around here is ever going to read this, and if they should happen to, I hope they would realize that I don't write with the intention of causing hurt. I may point and laugh at you behind your back, but I'm sure you do the same to me when I'm not looking. Hell, I do it to myself. And I'm sorry (not really) but some of the people around here are just caricatures of themselves. Besides, folks...I am NOT WRITING FICTION.
Second. Do you write about the stuff that DOES hurt? Especially when it DOES involve family? What if they are really big issues? I dealt with this recently when I decided not to write about my neice's birthday, as I did not feel comfortable yet writing about why I think she is the little material girl she is. And I think that if I go there, I will have to start confronting some things about myself that I'm not so proud of. And I am all about the poking of bruises and picking at scabs. Or do you save that stuff for the book? *SNORT* Life is not all rainbows and mermaids, Margaret. Deal with it.
Third. Style. Or in my case, lack thereof. When I started this blog, I held myself back. For one thing, for the last eight years or so, when I write letters, etc I always used elipses instead of periods. The way I saw it was as an indication as to how I think...One thought drifts to another...And so on. But now I use a Kindle to read all my books and I have found that elipses, like footnotes, are a huge pain in the ass on a Kindle, so I have tried to eliminate the practice from my writing. If they slip in, please forgive me. I do know when they are appropriate, and I will try to edit them out if one slips through. I also spell some things rather uniquely or substitute synonyms just for chits and grins. This is partly due to picking up on the way my kids pronounced things when they were little. Some of it is just poetic license. I do know how to spell, and have been known to redline a letter or two for grammatical errors and send it back to the sender with a grade. (Yes, I celebrate being a bitch.) In any case, when I read back over some of this, I can tell when I was holding back because I was worried what other people would think, and to me, it just had no feeling. No flow.
And that leads to my biggest dilemma. Do I clean it up for the public? For my family? At all? Some of this crap is going to be messy, when I ever start to address it. Am I going to be threatened with the bowels of hell for having a sewer trap for a mouth? (Or fingers...hmmm?) I really worried about this one, and prayed about it a lot. The best answer I got was that God knows what is in my heart, and we have a good relationship. I think it IS possible to be a Christian and talk like a sailor (and I am, after all, the Unit's number one land hand). If I don't write how I think/talk, I am not being true to myself and I won't be being true to you. If you're going to get to know me, you're going to have to take me warts and all. God does.