About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Cover yer arse, Gussie

Yesterday I implied that I had already given the Unit some happy happy joy joy, when in fact, I hadn't.  Yet.

I got to thinking about it later in the afternoon, and decided that I'd better go ahead and blow him and get it over with. (I know.  Nice.)  I could just picture him finding my blog six months from now and reading about a blowjob he'd never gotten.  

We are normally every other day kinda boys and girls but my fella is not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak.  But he is also smart enough to acknowledge that this was a 'gimme' by asking me "To what do I owe THAT?" when I was done with the deed.  So I figured what the hell.  I told him about my blog, and about the fact that it had taken kind of an unexpected turn, what with me turning it into my own not so private vaginalogue and all.  I explained that I had been talking about our sex life and had written something implying that I had had tubesteak for breakfast and that I DO have a sense of moral obligation to him and to my TWO WHOLE FOLLOWERS (I love youse guys) and hey, did I mention that I also made SIX WHOLE CENTS?  I also promised him not to write any checks that my mouth wasn't prepared to cash.  He was amazingly cool about the whole thing.  He had two conditions.  First, I am not allowed to make fun of his dick.  And second, he wants to be called Innocent Bystander (he's alway's hated the fact that I call him the Unit).  So.  Let it be noted.  The Innocent Bystander has a TOTALLY AWESOME DICK that is NOT AT ALL FUNNY.  (It does, however, do tricks. Trust me.)


P.S.  It is breast cancer awareness month.  Have you felt up your boobies lately?

4 comments:

Dana said...

Superbly hillarious that you felt you must cash a check he didn't even know you had written...

Any excuse is great when it comes to that I say.

Island Travel Girl said...

Yay to you for taking care of business! It sounds like you were rather too busy to join us for the experimental crock pot cuisine - and definitely having more fun then I was, as I tried to bribe my children to eat the food I had so lovingly prepared. Oh well. More for me.
P.S. i was so excited to see a comment on my blog I almost peed my pants - thanks for the thrill !

darsden said...

I like Unit...sounds really BiG

derfina said...

Dana-Yes, I'm a very ethical girl
Island Girl-I hope dinner turned out well-I'm waiting for leftovers.
Dar-you know I like them BIG!