About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Situation Normal...All Farked Up

Well, as usual, there is a fly in the ointment. It seems that the Innocent Bystander's paperwork was not 'fresh' enough for the Nigerians. Time will soon become an issue since he is due to return to work on Nov. 4th, so he has decided we are taking this bull by the horns and taking care of this chit in person, which means our plans have changed. Instead of heading up through Tennessee, we are heading over to Hotlanta instead, and will substitute a trip to Six Flags for our proposed visit to Graceland. Personally, I would much rather be howling with exhilaration on a roller coaster than looking at blue suede shoes anyway, so this is no great loss. It was a pain in the fanny, though, as he had to spend the bulk of yesterday running around making 'fresh' copies of licenses, getting things notarized/legalized, getting police reports and such.

So now the plan is to leave this afternoon and make it to somewhere around Montgomery before we stop for the night, then finish the driving Thursday morning. The only RV park we could find is 15 miles outside of Atlanta in Marietta, so we are going to stay there and rent a car to do our running around (if IB would get me the Smart Car I'm jonesing for, we wouldn't NEED to, but that is an argument for another day). The campground has wifi, so hopefully I won't have problems posting whilst we are there.

I also wanted to reiterate something, as I seem to have new readers popping in here and there. When I started writing this blog, I spent WAAAAY too much time trying to clean it up for the Yankees in the crowd (I am a DAMN yank-I came, I saw, and I stayed). By cleaning it up, I am not so much talking about the cursing as I am about the language itself. I DO know how to spell, and if I get stumped I know how to use a dictionary. I KNOW it is not proper to use double negatives, run on sentences, little asterisks to indicate actions/thoughts, but when I tried not to use them to keep from offending your sensibilities, this stuff was just not ringing true. Believe it or not, I do spend a lot of time rolling these words around in my brain like many hard candies, (yes, sometimes it seems more like a monkey flinging balls of poo at you, but sometimes ya get what ya get) slipping them this way and that, poking at them and prodding them like loose teeth until they feel just right. And most of the time, they just don't sound right if I don't write them how we talk down here. I ain't IGNERNT, but I AM a redneck hayseed, by association if nothing else. And I'm finally coming to realize there is NOTHING WRONG with that! So, all of you little Miss Grammars, put up your pens-there will be no redlining here. Just relax and take it for what it is. Me. As the Innocent Bystander is so fond of saying, "You just can't polish a turd, Jackie." Ya' feel me?


Di said...

Oh! Be sure to ride Goliath in the first row or the second. It's THE BEST. Do not, I repeat- DO NOT ride in the back. You get thrown around a lot.

If you are prone to migraines or headaches, have a back bad or neck also stay off The Ninja. It gives me an instant mind blowing migraine all day because you get thrown around A LOT !

Batman is fun, Superman is better but don't wear flip flops to the park. Wear something with straps or sneakers- you can thank me later.

Have pockets or somewhere you can put lose items. We rented a locker and were so glad we did.

Be sure to get one of the big palstic cups that has free refills, you'll get a single arm band. It's like $15 but a regualr drink is $5-$7 and we filled ours up no less than 15 times so it was really worth it.

Okay, that's al my good Six Flags advice. Have fun! Atlanta will be BEAUTIFUL this week & weekend with only slight showers on Friday afternoon.

darsden said...

always a fart around to mess up plans.... have fun...

Now, for those who feel they need to correct somebody else's blog... Step the FUCK off and go somewhere else... Damn fuckwads can't write their own... Don't be hating those who can and choose to write the way they want.

WE choose to speak the slang and write the slang we want... BUT, we have frigging College degrees Assholes... (please feel free to send me your hate mail...AH's)

Sorry Missy makes my blood boil when people who don't know you try to judge you... Love You

SgtSudsWife said...

Sorry your plans for the mountains were ruined but hey at least your goin to six flags.

I really hatre the paper work part of things that just like to get in the way of all our fun.

LOL @ lil miss grammars.I am so not one of those.I am sure sometimes people read my blogs and say wow she shoulda put a breath in that sentence somewhere hehe.

Have fun on your trip!

derfina said...

di-thanks for the heads up-I was going to wear jeans, but now that you mention it, my traveling (cargo) pants WILL be coming with.

dar-awwww....her's gonna defend me honor...I'm so touched...But I really expected something more along the lines of "No, but I felt ya mama last night" outta you!

sgt-thanks. The IB's job has given us the opportunity to be really flexible (not that I have any prollems THERE!)


darsden said...

YaMama told me to stop telling... eyesee where you get your flexibilitees

derfina said...

Yo' mama on the other hand, wants to broadcast that chit all over town!

Dana said...

I hope you have an awesome trip to Hotlanta! I haven't made it to Six Flags there. Now that I am damn near across the stinking country I probably won't.

Graceland is overrated anywho. Unless you have a fascination with Elvis, I suppose.

Pearl said...

Hello, Jackie!

Well don't clean anything up for me! My life is full of "gonna"s and "ain't"s and all manner of language mutilation. I love words when they are spelled correctly, when they're not, when they are used colorfully, and when they make you feel like you're in the next room listenning in.
I jus' wanna listen in. :-)

Captain Steve said...

Someone made you feel like you had to clean up your blog? Duuude, that is just poor form! My theory: if you don't like it, go away. Neither their world nor mine will end.

My grandma says chit all the time in place of shit. It makes me giggle. Of course, she also says "Son of a Fish!" which just makes me laugh outright.

derfina said...

dana-I hope so too. What I really hoped to see at Graceland was what in hell they've got that would keep people coming back year after year. Not like they are getting NEW stuff each year. ^shrugs^

pearl-Glad to see you back...You like to listen in, eh? My kinda womyn!

cap-I know, right?...Talk about harsh my buzz! (and I miss the crazy chit my grandma used to say!)