About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Home is where the WHAT is?

Ahhh. Home sweet home.

After a week in the camper with the Innocent Bystander and 3 parrots, this place seems HUGE. And it is so BRIGHT in here. The campground we stayed at was beautiful, full of these great towering pines and big sprawling oaks that the squirrels rushed around in collecting last minute acorns. But all those trees coupled with our electrical problems (and yes, closed blinds for all that hot monkey lovin' we're so prone to spontaneously engage in) made for a very dark and dreary atmosphere in our little nest o' feathers n' poop. The IB and I make the best of it, but it has to be hard on the birdies, as they are used to our nice sunny picture window and sliding glass door overlooking the river. I can stretch here and not touch anything (*grumbles* except that fucking chandelier). I don't have to scale a mountain to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night. And it sure is nice to be able to take a crap in my own terlet with my little dugout and a cup of coffee and a good book without having to worry about anyone banging on the closed and locked so yes it's fucking occupied door. Sweet.

And speaking of sweet and home-can I get a HELL YEAH for exhausted sex? There has always been something special to me about coming home from a camping trip all tired and sore and too worn out to unpack. We fall into bed and almost as an afterthought just kind of melt together. It may be what seems like hours of long, languorous stroking and touching and tasting, but is usually more like six pokes and a squirt-and sometimes that is all you need. I'm all for gymnastics and sex helmets and trying something new now and then, but I am also just fine with two minutes of just getting down to BUSINESS, BOY.

And may I just say, for the record-blogging can really spice up the ole sex life. I think it may be that the Innocent Bystander is more aware of just how often I actually think about sex and just how nastay his wifely person actually is, but we really seem to be getting jiggy with it quite a bit more this hitch than we have lately. In fact, he even turned me down three times on this trip-once at a gas pump in Auburn, Alabama (what?? we were in a CAMPER-who'da known for SURE, now, really?) once at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta (nice big private bathroom) and once at the campground bath house-not even to save time showering! I'd best shut up now-I'm going to end up hexing myself.

See ya'll tomorrow-I'm going to go enjoy this BEAUTIFUL day! Hope you do too!

11 comments:

Pearl said...

OMG you are just the funniest person, aren't you?! :-) I love your writing. You remind me very much of my friend Paula in WI.
I always look forward to finding out what's going on in your life. :-)

Pearl

derfina said...

The Unit...er...Innocent Bystander would prolly debate you on that point. He is very quick to point out that "Jackie, you are NOT THAT FUNNY" (well, maybe funny lookin')

darsden said...

like the new ads...tempting

derfina said...

Heh...Tempting...Like YA MAMA was last night? (click one...I dare ya-and then I might could afford that TOP ramen I've been coveting)

darsden said...

U know me I just can't click 1.. I'm a clicker and proud.. ya mama a clicker too!

derfina said...

yo' mama, on the other hand, is a LICKER. And a very adept one, I might add.

darsden said...

ROTFLMAO

Dana said...

Well, at least SOMEONE is getting some around the bloggyworld!

Glad ya made it home and had a good trip!

derfina said...

Gotta get it whilst I can-surely as a military wife you can understand the need to 'stock up' eh? And Studly here leaves on the 4th, so I'm workin' it HARD, baby!

Dana said...

Yes, I do understand stocking up. Unfortunately my body doesn't always cooperate. *sigh* Then I am left with none for a long, long time. Best part is, about the time he returns, my body will again not be cooperating. Stinkin' Eve!!!!

derfina said...

Heh. I can sympathize with the body not cooperating thing-those farking sex headaches I had last time he was home just about killed me in more ways than one. *rubs jaw, remembering* Fortunately I don't have to fool with all that other girly crap-after the Egg, I decided to have all that chit yanked out because honestly, I couldn't have gone through it again.