Drama Free Post

As soon as I hit publish yesterday, a houseboat came around the bend in the river, but it kept on going. So far, no new neighbor. From what I understand, there is a houseboat that will have to be moved in order for the eighty footer to fit next to us, and the owner of that boat has been hard to locate.  If I was guessing, I would say they are HIDING, because I am sure they don't want to have to go through the process of moving, especially to move all of three or four hundred feet.  Just moving standoffs is a major pain in the ass, not to mention having to deal with the power company and the mechanics of the actual move itself.  In any case, there was no drama.

There was however, a wonderful surprise when I went to the house later to check the mail. When I pulled into the driveway, FIVE cats came running to greet me instead of the usual four. Back in September when we had a rash of floods from tropical systems, I had been flooded in here at the houseboat for a few days and my neighbor had been feeding the feral/stray cats that I have been supporting since we bought the house.  When I was finally able to get back to the house, Big Gray had gone missing, and he hadn't been seen since.  He has lost some weight and looks a little worse for the wear, but he is alive!  I feel vindicated, because I know El Juevo thought I was full of shit when I told him the cat was missing.  Our neighbor's cat had been hit by a car, and I know he thought Big Gray had been killed too, and that I was keeping it from him to keep him from grieving.  When I told him the cat was back, he looked at me like I'd told him little green men were at the door.  He jumped up and ran out onto the porch and I swear his knees buckled when he saw him.  Lazarus has risen, ya'll!

When I got back to the houseboat, I decided that I was going to follow up on my earlier urge (not THAT one) (but now that I'm thinking about it, if I DID fulfill that urge I'd prolly be able to write more clearly) (but you coulda prolly gone all day without knowing that, eh?) and take the boat up the river to commune with Mother Nature.  Which I did...  

...if by Mother Nature, you mean truckers.  I went up the river and sat under the interstate overpass and collected honks.  I am so easily entertained.  Did you know that eastbound truckers are 75% more likely to honk you than westbound truckers are?  Doesn't matter how I park the boat, for some reason, eastbound truckers are MUCH more generous with the honks. Just sayin'.

Today's lagniappe is just a short (unretouched) note from the Innocent Bystander that I had in my inbox when I got back from my boatride:

I have 4  MO-PO 's        mobile police   that are on here at Night guarding the me and the boat now that we are back at the dock.

i asked em' if they would be here Christmas night , and they said

  "YES We will Drink till dark."

 

 

          And then come here

 

          With Machine Guns

               

Ten Things

It's the weekend, and I am going to take the easy way out today because I didn't sleep well last night.  I said a prayer as I went to bed, offering to bear someone else's pain if it would give that person a sweet night of peace, and I'm hoping that that was the case.  With no further ado, I give you ten things you may or may not know about me.

1.  I am a positive person.  I was not always like that, but one day a light bulb went off and I realized life would be much easier if I focused on what I CAN do rather than what I CAN'T.  

2.  I do pray a lot.  I am not always sure to whom or what I am praying and no one will ever accuse me of being religious, but I firmly believe in the power of prayer.  I don't know if it is a focusing of positive energy or just how it works, but some things you just have to take on faith.

3.  I blow my nose like someone's old grandpaw blowing hockers in his hanky.  Now, I am not the most feminine of girls by any stretch of the imagination, but I recently realized just how ludicrous this sounded when I saw the look of HORROR on my gurrrlfriend's face as I turned around delicately wiping the edges of my nose. *snort*

4.  I am an extremist.  I like my coffee scalding hot and my beer ice cold, thank you very much.  And I am going to drink them while they are still hot or cold, which means I drink them very quickly.  Keep your "SLUGGO" comments to yourself.

5.  I bit my nails until I was thirty three years old.  I quit by wearing a rubber band on my wrist and snapping it hard every time my hands got close to my face.  I didn't think it would work since I was aware of what I was doing, but it did.  Now I pick my cuticles and scabs instead, so my hands are still a disaster.

6.  I am very picky.  If the coffee isn't Starbucks French Roast Extra Bold or the beer isn't Busch Light in a bottle, I don't want it.  Don't give me your brand of something and tell me to just try it because I don't farking want it!  If that hurts your feelers, I'm sorry.  It's just how I am.  It is not a comment on you or your peculiar taste, I just like the things I am comfortable with.  Get over it.

7.  I am a cheap date.  One of my favorite things to do is to ride up the river and sit under the interstate and see how many truckers I can get to "honk me".  No lie.  I could sit there all day and every honk would still be just as exhilarating as the last.

8.  I have a bird I have to spell in front of.  I chit you not.

9.  I have a chandelier in my kitchen (HA-in a houseboat the size of a large shoe, no less) that I have been actively hating for three years.  If you are willing to come take it out, you can have it. I really can't finger out why it is still there, since the Innocent Bystander is so tall that he whacks his head on it at least once a day.  I'd love to meet the fooktard who decided to put it there so I could kick him in the gonadial region.

10.  I hoard certain things.  You would think I grew up in the depression or something, the way I stockpile toilet paper and coffee and books-I have probably THIRTY books on my Kindle that I haven't even started-I can't take a chance of running out, don'tcha know?

Well, that is it for today.  No vaginas, penises, or boobies to be found. I am off for a boat ride with the Innocent Bystander, then we are going our separate ways.  He is going to spend the night (we are such responsible drinkers-heh) with an old friend and they are going to watch sports and eat beans and light each other's farts and drink until they puke.  I am spending the night with my favorite Purv and we are going to eat steaks and play Wii games and prolly do something illegal.  Use your imagination.  Have a safe and happy Saturday.