About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Countdown Begins


*sings at the top of her lungs*  TOOOMORROWWW!  TOOOOMORROWWW!  I'LL BOINK YA!  TOOOMORROWWW!  IT'S ONLY...A DAAAAYYYYY....AHHH.....WAAAAYYYYYY!!!   YOWZA!

How nice.  That got the birdies going better than the Good Morning Jesus song did this morning. They must know Daddy's coming home.  I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt, anyway, 'cuz otherwise I'm fixing to make me some African Grey gumbo.  Nemo has been a royal pain in my fanny this morning.  I just fixed him a bowl of fresh pellets, a bowl of fresh Special K, and a bowl of fresh carrots, corn on the cob, celery, apple, globe grapes (the only grapes he will eat) and raspberries.  What does he do?  He starts throwing food at me and pulling his dishes off the cage because I neglected to fill up his peanut holder.  Ungrateful little shitfactory.  

Speaking of Africans (like that segue, do ya?) I reminded the Innocent Bystander to wish everyone a happy Kwanzaa before he leaves the Fatherland.  He reported in this morning.  He has been from his boat to Warri to Lagos, through two airports, and says that NO ONE knew what the flock he was talking about.  I could do a whole post on the parallels between the seven principals of Kwanzaa here and in Nigeria, but then I would be walking that racist tightrope again, and I certainly wouldn't want that.  Besides...for the sake of THIS blog, I'm not that deep. *church lady look*  

Well, I rectom I'd better cut this short today.  I went over to the house to get a bottle of non-fartwater so I could make coffee this morning and my neighbor stopped me on my way out. Seems she needs someone to take pictures of bruises she has all over her arms, chest, legs etc. I didn't get the details, but evidently there is trouble in paradise, because when I got back from the house, her boyfriend was back and he's packing all of his stuff up.  I guess she'll be over here soon so I can document her 'evidence'.  Hope he doesn't turn all her gas on like he did last time. I have been watching out of one eye whilst I wrote this, and he just finished getting his boat on the trailer, so it looks like they may mean business, although this isn't the first time this has happened.  


See ya'll tomorrow!  I imagine I will be ON MY GAME so you can expect all kinds of merriment as I ready the girly bits for their final deflowering of the year.  Can you FEEL the excitement?

Lagniappe:


7 comments:

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

As a new reader there is a bit of mystery involved in the homecoming. The graphics combination along with your writing cracked me up.

Here's to boinking!

NurseExec said...

WOOOOOHOOOOO! I'm smilin' for ya that IB is on his way :)

derfina said...

Pseudonymous HST-I think if you read my posts from October 4th and 5th it will all be MUCH clearer.

NurseExec-I'm sure I'm all Cheshire Catty myownself! *wink*

tysdaddy said...

I've seen you around Blogland, commenting and making me smile, so I figured I'd pop over and grace your place with a visit . . . sprinkle some holy water around and bless the confines.

My vial just melted . . .

Ha!

Now I'm off to read the posts you mentioned in your above comment. For clarity. Which is so often lacking in my corner of the world.

Peace!

B

Braja said...

Good Morning Miss Th-Drought-Is-Nearly-Over Britches...

derfina said...

tysdaddy-Both glad to have you drop by and glad to make someone smile. *wink* Visit often! Sometimes I do tricks!

Braja-*wicked evil grin* Heh. Can't sleep. Anticipation, don'tcha know? I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa, I'm so excited.

Braja said...

So I guess we'll see you in around 5-7 days when you come up for air? :)