About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Up up and away?

I didn't want to say anything until we had something firm...

*gasps*  Please.  Someone.  STOP ME!

*bitch slaps self, once AGAIN*

Okay.  Mo' betterer now. *clears throat*  What I was trying to say before I was so RUDELY interrupted... *snicker* (see?  I don't NEED anyone to entertain me...I do just FINE by myself.)

*closes eyes and mutters Muladhara Muladhara Muladhara*  Ahem.  

Holy moly.  I am on it today.  I guess I'm just excited.  The Innocent Bystander had me call Delta yesterday and rebook his flight for December 28th, so it looks like he is going to be home before the end of the year.  And, to sweeten the deal, he got a partial payment (note I said partial, but something is MUCH mo' betterer than nuttin' hunny) on his pay!  Of course, he already gave me my hush money for this hitch and near about half of what he was paid will go to Uncle Sam, but seeing some actual numbers in the account sure will make me sleep easier.

Anyway, since he has a semi-firm (ohchit-don't let me start again) (can you tell it's been over a month since I've been laid?) (help me decide how I'm going to wrap up my girlie bits for him this time ^^groucho eyebrows^^) (isn't that just the dorkiest airplane ever? If it had a name, it would be Yeep.) idea of when he's coming home, he decided last night to go ahead and plan our trip.  I have already purchased a loverly pair of hiking boots and have been breaking them in with regular mallwalks, so I have mentally been jumping out of trees and learning to speak monkey and trying to remember if poisonous snakes have triangle heads or diamond (diamond?  did someone say diamond?) *grips self by shoulders and shakes HARD* *blinks* What? *reads back*  Oh.  If poisonous snakes have diamond patterns or triangle heads.  Does it seem like I have ADD today?

So I'm at the house yesterday afternoon trying to get El Juevo ready for the hockey game (we won 2-0!) and the phone rings and it is the Innocent Bystander my ass.  He has been trying to find flights to Costa Rica, and could not find anything that would not have us leaving here at 4 in the morning to make a flight, so he decided to see what kind of deals he could find on flights to other destinations.  Since we have been bandying about a trip in April or May to Europe, he looked up tickets to Amsterdam, and found an absolutely fabulous deal on two first class seats, so his phone call was to run a change in destinations up my flagpole to see if I'd salute it.

What a dilemma.  I have really been looking forward to flying through trees with the greatest of ease and all that rot.  I also felt like the trip to Costa Rica was destined to be-when I was booking his return flight yesterday the operator I talked to was telling me that she is my age, she had a fear of heights, and she recently took the same trip and did the zipline thing and LOVED it.  Also, while I was boning up *rolls eyes* on the country, I discovered these:

Mysterious giant stone balls.  I mean, this is a tough decision.  On the one hand, I can have stone balls.  *laughs hysterically*  On the other, I could tromp through the cold snowy rainy streets of 'de Dam' in my new (waterproof) boots looking at beautiful paintings and loverly sculptures and all manner of people seeing how high they can fly their freak flags.  But we have been to Amsterdam twice already.  And we did have tentative plans to go there and Barcelona and maybe one more place in late spring or early summer.  And what can I say?  I'm greedy.  I want to do both.  I was torn.

Being as I am a 'have passport will travel' kind of girl, I left it up to him.  He said he would do some more research and let me know this morning where we will be going.  When I woke up this morning, I had an email from him and the destination is (insert drumroll here):

He has us booked from January 8-13th and Mom has agreed to birdsit.  Now I have to make some decisions as far as packing goes, because most of my summery clothes have been ruined by fartwater.  I do believe I may have a legitimate reason to shop for ME!

*hollers* "Oh, Daa-aarrr!"



SgtSudsWife said...

LMAO.....your killin me! Wooo hooo for goin to Costa Rica. I know how ya feelin right now. Mine will be home in a few short days after almost 8 months and will only be home for 18 days :( But hey at least i'll be gettin me some lovin for that long to hold me over right! Have a great time!

Dana said...

LMAO! Ok, so I completely kept forgetting to tell ya, but since ya asked for an idea about his homecoming....

I saw a commercial the other night. An Arby's commercial. Have you seen it? The man gets all 'happy' when the woman comes out of the bathroom wearing the uniform...anywho, thought of the waffle house...and now I am telling you.

I am so glad that he is going to be home for New year's. Does that mean the partay is on?

Costa Rica...you are one lucky gal!

darsden said...

I am NOT going to Mobile!! (fingers in ears) lalalafalalalafallaf**klaNolafalalalaaaaa

NurseExec said...

I'm so jealous. I don't even HAVE a passport. *sigh* One of these days....

julz said...

Glad you're going!!
Thanx to Dana, I'm having some fantasies(for you) involving neon top hats.
Dar, take an aspirin and suck it up you WILL be going to Mobile.
Love y'all

derfina said...

SgtSuds Wife-After 8 months you get your virginity back, don't you?

Dana-no, haven't seen that one. So far, my choices are the Awful Waffle redux, the small wife idea I had, some 'santa baby' items I've picked up (but I still need to find a bustier for) or maybe "the Stimulator" modeled on a Superman/Wonderwomyn idea I am playing with.

Dar-We don't have to shop, darlin', but I REALLY do have to run over to the airport to pay for the Unit's ticket rebooking fee. SURELY you can just come along for the ride!

NurseExec-It won't just come to you! Make travel a priority!

Julz-*snort* Funny you should say that-he wants to go hat shopping for New Years since he's going to be home after all! I'm sure I could finger something out!

*smooches* to all

PlungerGirl said...

Stone balls! Go to the balls!

La Belette Rouge said...

Very cool news about your guy coming home sooner than expected. And, hooray about Costa Rica. Ilove any event that requires me to shop for myself. lucky you!!:-)

Anna Lefler said...

Costa Rica - awesome!!! Have the best time and enjoy those zip lines...WHEEEEE!

Merry Christmas!

:^) Anna

Braja said...

I missed you Derfina :)

Braja said...

I missed you Derfina :)