What does she want, you ask? Well, I want you to bear with me, because I do have a point, although I have a feeler that this morning it may take me awhile to get to it, because I am going to try to break this down for you Barney style, as myne wyfe would say.
I have established already that the Innocent Bystander works in what I tongue in cheek refer to as the Fatherland, Nigeria. His boss owns a large construction company. Nigeria has a policy that if there is a Nigerian company capable of performing a particular job, that company is always going to be awarded the contract on said job over a foreign based company. Self preservation-can't argue with that. His boss, learning this, decided to buy the jackup boat the IB is on and hire it out to major oil companies drilling in their local river to do their offshore construction work. So. The IB works for the Nigerian company, but that company is working for a major Dutch based oil company whose name rhymes with...well? Heh.
The IB's boss gets paid by (holy moly I wish I could insert a picture of a conch here just for the IB's pornographic enjoyment-not for the pictographic value) said company. The IB gets paid by his boss. Trickle down theory in practice. Not hard to understand.
Well, folks, I'm beginning to understand this recession thing. Because the IB has not been paid since BEFORE he came home the last time, which has been approximately nine weeks. And guess who doesn't get paid when he doesn't? Hmmm? I got yer trickle down crap. And I'm not even visiting the fact that we are not talking about chump change here.
See, it seems that since everyone started tightening their belts and not traveling because of this downturn in the economy, gas prices have plummeted. At least that is what I'm being told is responsible for the drastic drops-I know here in south Mississippi gas prices have gone from a record high of $4.04 a gallon to a mind boggling $1.60, which I've not seen in at least 7 years. This is not to say that I am completely buying this theory-I am still not convinced that this economy chit isn't artificially manipulated, but just for the sake of argument, I'm going to assume there is some validity to the possibility. Well, guess who is not all that eager to hurry up and pay the IB's boss because they would like to hold onto what profits they've made this year as long as they can? Well, hell's bells. Rhymes with all of them.
The upshot is, my economic stimulating has been mostly mental in this, the holiest of shopping seasons. And this is not good, my friends. There are shoes out there (mama will be back, my lovelies) that need a good home. There are presents to be purchased, roots that will soon need coloring if I'm to remain my son's "wife", and meals that need to be planned. There are also some very worthy charities that need end of the year donations if they are to continue to provide food and shelter to our not so fortunate neighbors and stray animals.
What I'm saying, folks, is that this year, I can't do it all by myself. Gas is at a record low. I want you to get out and drive. Knock off all this kalaka bullshit-you need elbow room in your car, not people whose hygiene habits you question. Take the long way to work. Go for a ride on the weekends. I know-go to a gas station and buy gas cards as gifts this year-you'll definitely get your money's worth for a change. Let's get these oil prices up and stabilized so that I can continue on my quest to remain unemployed for YOUR enjoyment. Because really? I do it all for you.
heh. I said do it.