About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Patience, Prudence


What does she want, you ask?  Well, I want you to bear with me, because I do have a point, although I have a feeler that this morning it may take me awhile to get to it, because I am going to try to break this down for you Barney style, as myne wyfe would say.

I have established already that the Innocent Bystander works in what I tongue in cheek refer to as the Fatherland, Nigeria.  His boss owns a large construction company.  Nigeria has a policy that if there is a Nigerian company capable of performing a particular job, that company is always going to be awarded the contract on said job over a foreign based company.  Self preservation-can't argue with that.  His boss, learning this, decided to buy the jackup boat the IB is on and hire it out to major oil companies drilling in their local river to do their offshore construction work.  So. The IB works for the Nigerian company, but that company is working for a major Dutch based oil company whose name rhymes with...well?  Heh.

The IB's boss gets paid by (holy moly I wish I could insert a picture of a conch here just for the IB's pornographic enjoyment-not for the pictographic value) said company.  The IB gets paid by his boss.  Trickle down theory in practice.  Not hard to understand.

Well, folks, I'm beginning to understand this recession thing.  Because the IB has not been paid since BEFORE he came home the last time, which has been approximately nine weeks.  And guess who doesn't get paid when he doesn't?  Hmmm?  I got yer trickle down crap.  And I'm not even visiting the fact that we are not talking about chump change here.

See, it seems that since everyone started tightening their belts and not traveling because of this downturn in the economy, gas prices have plummeted.  At least that is what I'm being told is responsible for the drastic drops-I know here in south Mississippi gas prices have gone from a record high of $4.04 a gallon to a mind boggling $1.60, which I've not seen in at least 7 years. This is not to say that I am completely buying this theory-I am still not convinced that this economy chit isn't artificially manipulated, but just for the sake of argument, I'm going to assume there is some validity to the possibility.  Well, guess who is not all that eager to hurry up and pay the IB's boss because they would like to hold onto what profits they've made this year as long as they can?  Well, hell's bells.  Rhymes with all of them.

The upshot is, my economic stimulating has been mostly mental in this, the holiest of shopping seasons.  And this is not good, my friends.  There are shoes out there (mama will be back, my lovelies) that need a good home.  There are presents to be purchased, roots that will soon need coloring if I'm to remain my son's "wife", and meals that need to be planned.  There are also some very worthy charities that need end of the year donations if they are to continue to provide food and shelter to our not so fortunate neighbors and stray animals.

What I'm saying, folks, is that this year, I can't do it all by myself.  Gas is at a record low.  I want you to get out and drive.  Knock off all this kalaka bullshit-you need elbow room in your car, not people whose hygiene habits you question.  Take the long way to work.  Go for a ride on the weekends. I know-go to a gas station and buy gas cards as gifts this year-you'll definitely get your money's worth for a change.  Let's get these oil prices up and stabilized so that I can continue on my quest to remain unemployed for YOUR enjoyment.  Because really?  I do it all for you.  

*smooches*

heh.  I said do it.

7 comments:

Braja said...

You are a selfless, beautiful woman. I'm personally praying for a crappy economy so you can stay unemployed and entertain me. (Er..did I get that right?)

Strange Pilgram said...

I'll do my part! Instead of letting my parents come visit me here in Italy for two months, they're hitting the road in their luxury RV. How's that for gas guzzling? I think the monster gets about 3 miles a gallon. INSANE!

Dana said...

Heh. You keep saying do it.

I intend to travel halfway across the country (with a stop in MS just so ya know) in a couple of weeks. That should help!

I hate that he isnt getting paid like he's supposed to! They need to get on it! We can't be losin' your words of wisdom.

derfina said...

Braja-Myne redheaded yogi, lay those prayers on out there! I'm twitching here!

Strange Pilgram-now THAT'S what ah'm talkin' about!

Dana-heh. I made you say it! *snort* Words of wisdom? ROFL...You are a very funny girl! That was RICH!

La Belette Rouge said...

I think we are going to give barrels of gas to all our friends and family for Christmas. It is best to stock up while the prices are low. Just have to remember not to light candles near the presents or we will all have a Christmas to remember.;-)

Anna Lefler said...

Har! Thanks for stopping by my blog today!

Happy holidays and I love your house/boat. Super cool.

:^) Anna

Koolio said...

"There are shoes out there...that need a good home."

A-MEN to that!

If there's one thing I have to spend money on, it's gas for my car. When gas is expensive, I conserve with the rest of them, but when gas is cheaper and probably won't remain this way for that much longer, I always go exploring when I have some free time. I've lived in Savannah for 9+ years and there's always something new to see!

Thanks again for stopping by my blog!! xo