About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Monday, December 22, 2008

B Freakin' R R R

What a difference a day makes.  I had the air conditioners running yesterday, and today the damn space heaters can't keep up.  This houseboat is drafty and has no insulation whatsoever.  I wish there was some way to shrink wrap it.  

*head thumps self*  There I go, wasting another wish!  The Innocent Bystander had a mate once who used to get onto him every time he said he wished something on the grounds that "What if you are only allotted a certain number of wishes and you just wasted one of them on that."  Now every time I start to wish something, I stop and think about whether or not it is wishworthy. Right now, about the only things that qualify as wishworthy would be the IB coming home, or me winning this contest.  (Be sure to click on the "product" and check out the LIFE SIZED VIEW!)  I only want to win because I think it would make a great conversation piece. (Heh.  Don't make me say it.) Frankly, that thing scares the chit outta me!  (Which is actually a whole 'nuther blog post.  Promise.)

Sure, I am wishing the Unit Innocent Bystander was here for the obvious reasons, but he takes care of a lot more things around here besides me.  In addition to his studly duties, he also HMFIC (surely I don't have to translate THAT) of:

Changing lightbulbs.  It has gotten progressively darker both here and at the house since election day.  I am not exactly sure why, but from the day we started dating, I quit changing lightbulbs.  Maybe because he is just so naturally closer to them than I am.  ^shrug^  I also convince myself that this is one of those wee ways I am helping the environment by using less electricity.  Aren't I noble?

Foot warming.  I was acutely aware when I woke up this morning to a 30 degree bedroom that I was ALONE in bed.  No matter where I put my tootsies, I encountered cold lonely sheets.  I miss having someone to snuggle with, especially when it's this cold.  And I DO reciprocate, so it is not like this is a purely selfish wish.  Really.

Carrying stuff.  Yes, I imagine it is sexist of me, but I like the guy to carry the heavy shit, and great googlymoogly, do we go through some heavy stuff.  Namely WATER.  Because of the fartwater situation, I go through several gallons of bottled water a day between the birds, coffee and cooking, not to mention the amount I drink.  He stocks me up before he leaves, but there is a limit to how stocked we can get, as this place barely has room for my shoes, much less pallets of water, and I am tired of toting it in a gallon at a time.  (Notice I did not complain about toting in BEER.)

Oooky stuff.  Part of the fine print in the marriage contract was that I am allowed to wipe anything on him at any time, and boy, do I manage to get stuff on me that needs wiping.  Yes, I almost always have a clean handkerchief on me at all times, but if I used that, it wouldn't be clean now, would it?  It is very convenient to merely turn toward him and grab his shirt when the birds lovingly crap on me or lovingly gak me up something.

The Good Morning Jesus song. It is supposed to be a dignified song of praise and worship, but lets face it.  I try, but I have no sense of rhythm.  I sing, and stomp around and clap, but if their lessons remain my responsibility, I'm going to have a bunch of birds flapping around like Steve Martin in The Jerk.  

I could go on, but I would only succeed in depressing myself, and despite the cold, it is a beautiful day out and I'm going to enjoy it.  I need to focus on things I can do, rather than things I can't.  And I need to focus on them before the sun goes down, cuz this last bulb is flickering!



Braja said...

Birds flappering around in the dark while you're crashing around the room trying to lift something too heavy... sorry, but that's the picture that came to mind :))

Stepping Thru said...

Here's to your winning that awesome "prize". That will only take care of one of your problems though. Maybe you need one of those electric blankets to keep your tootsies warm.

derfina said...

Braja-Too close to reality for comfort! Thank goodness this laptop puts out a lot of light.

Stepping Thru-I've actually been looking at electric blankets. I may just have to invest in one.

*smooches* to you both!

Kellan said...

I do this stuff too - wipe stuff on my hubby and make him carry all the heavy chit!

Take care and have a wonderful Christmas! Kellan

Eric S. said...

If I still had one of those wood stoves, I'd send it your way post haste.

The other issues, I don't think I can help you with, sorry

derfina said...

Kellan-I neglected to mention that when he's gone, I have no one to blame for the toilet seat being left up but myself!

Eric-I would so LOVE to have one of those stoves!

*smooches* to you both!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

You are funny, and dead on. My husband always changes the water dispenser. I'm impressed with tha prize you're after. Purple is an intersting color for it.