About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Shifting gears


Gah. I woke up this morning to pouring down rain. I wanted so badly to just lay there and listen to it whilst drifting in and out of those wonderful seven minute dreams that only happen on rainy mornings, but the birds can't just take care of themselves, so I dragged my ass out of bed. I haven't been sleeping well because I've been taking Alli again and while my body gets used to it I have to sleep with one eye and the bathroom door open. Again-GAH.


It is not only raining, it is foggy to boot. I can barely see all the way across the river. Given my current state of bitchiness and my impatience with cruise control of late, I think it is best that, if only for today, I put her in neutral.


I have been putting a whole lotta milage on my car and my body, and today is a perfect day to dial it down a notch. I had a rather SCARY moment yesterday when I was channeling Dale Earnhardt coming around the backstretch, and believe me when I say that it is not a good idea to drive quite so aggressively when one is TAKING ALLI, JACKIE YOU STOOPID DERF. Thank goodness for pantiliners!
Tomorrow's post should be interesting. The Gruesome Twosome will be on the way to Destin Florida tomorrow morning around 7:30, or as soon as I'm done with the bird duties (Heh. Duties. Had to get one in. Heh. I said get one in. *snort*) to see Dar's nephew's son in his Christmas play, and I am going to prepare my post on the fly and publish when we reach our destination. No worries-she will be driving. *wink*  As for today, I am turning it into a Flylady day.  I will be shining my sink and sucking up feathers and laundering my clothes in fartwater. I don't want to get caught with my panties down when the Innocent Bystander gets home.  Well, I do, but that is a whole 'nuther post.  I just can't let this shite pile up until the last minute, or something won't get done, and of course that will be the thing he notices.  So today is devoted to house cleaning and cooking for El Juevo and maybe another hockey movie this afternoon. Hope ya'll's day is more exciting than mine!

Lagniappe:

10 comments:

darsden said...

gonna be a dar day tomorrow...get your big girl panties on...! Fast and Furious...be ready or be left.. lol... No, seriously no later than 8..I can't wait...(hopefully jen won't read todays post...as the surprize will be knowzt!)

gnomespeak said...

I love rainy and snowy and foggy days. Big fan of precipitation.

La Belette Rouge said...

"I will be shining my sink and sucking up feathers and laundering my clothes in fartwater." This is the kind of thing that makes me avoid drinking fluids while reading your posts.

derfina said...

Dar-My panties are locked, cocked (I wish) and ready to rock. Better get yours locked and loaded too.

Gnomespeak-Me too. I'm only happy when it rains.

La Belette Rouge-Prolly be a better idea to drink BEFORE you read my posts-makes them more...interesting.

*smooches* to all!

darsden said...

I'm ready Thelma...be there at 7:15 a.m...!

NurseExec said...

*snort* on the fartwater. LOL!

Braja said...

Derfina, you continue to rock. You should see Ann's Rants post today...that Russian bint Marinka has started acting like you, I swear to God. Go and read the comments ... you'll know it when you see it....

prayingtodarwin said...

Alli scares the hell out of me! I've had nightmares that are pretty much a complete listing of Alli's side effects. You're one brave lady!

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

duties and fartwater. I LOVE IT!

dales making the rounds because i'm pretty sure he is the reason that fishtaled on the ice yesterday. jackass men drivers.

derfina said...

Dar-I was ready! I'm sure you were shocked.

NurseExec-I avoid snorting the fartwater at all costs! *wink*

Braja-A new cosmic twin! Thanks.

praying to darwin-It definitely makes you aware of what goes in must come out.

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous!--"jackass men drivers"-they have those 'things' attached...Makes them exempt from blame. Gives true meaning to "dickheads" eh?