Nemo keeps asking me, "What are you doing?"
Like he doesn't know what I'm doing. I'm cleaning up your POOP, numbnuts. I am scraping it off the bars of your cage. I am sucking up your feathers. I am 'gimme that beak'ing you. I am scrubbing grape peels and raspberry carcasses off the walls and windows and washer.
Feathers, by the way? *shakes head* They suck. You think of feathers and the image of a single feather comes to mind, drifting lazily in a shaft of sunlight. What you don't think about are the layers and layers of them that exist under the top 'classic' feather layers. Each layer gets progressively smaller-I think some of them are even microscopic. And every time we do the Good Morning Jesus song and they all start to flapping, I am stomping and clapping in a virtual cloud. It doesn't matter how much I sweep and vacuum and mop-I could have Dirt Devils permanently attached to the ends of my arms like some sort of weird Edward Sissorhands (is that an oxymoron, or what?) and I still wouldn't be able to keep up with them. They sift into every little corner and crevice only to come flying out the next time someone flaps. They are driving me INSANE.
I just feel BLAH. I'm thinking it is a combination of the weather, which has been drizzly and overcast for days, and the landscape around here, which looks like something out of a gothic movie with all the spindly barren trees dripping with spanish moss. Variations on a theme, and the theme is GRAY. I guess the only sensible thing to do would be to get out of the houseboat. I need to go light a fire under El Juevo's arse because I'm sure he is still where I left him yesterday, on the couch in his underwear with his laptop on one side of him and a remote on the other. I think we both need some exercise, and I know just the mall to get it in. (Heh. I said get it.) Am I getting too predictable?
Directions: 1. Peel off adhesive and stick Subtle Butt onto the inside of your underwear or pants, exactly where you think it goes.
2. Go for it, Let'er rip, Have at it, Cut loose, Break wind, Gas it up
3. When you're done wearing Subtle Butt, remove and discard. If any adhesive traces remain, use a damp cloth for removal.
Tips for Success:
1. You want all the gas to pass through Subtle Butt. So do what you need to do to ensure none sneaks around the edges.
2. Subtle Butt can be applied to thongs by wrapping and securing it around the back.