About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Sunday, December 14, 2008

A Dream Come True


Friday night, I went to bed with visions of sugarplums dancing in my head.  I tossed and turned all night, so excited I was unable to sleep.  Just one more night to get through until the day I'd waited for for weeks would be here.  I lay there idly watching the sugarplums and candy canes and reviewed the past year.  Had I been naughty, or nice?  There was a LOT of giggling going on as I reminisced, which was really sad, considering I was in bed and all alone. *pauses, sighing* I guess naughty or nice depends on your perspective.

I woke up and took care of my morning obligations: birds, body, and blog, then I was off to pick up Alex and meet up with Dar at the mall.  I was trembling with anticipation.  Would we be there on time?  Would there be a long wait in line?  Would he find me worthy?

He was only scheduled to be there from nine til eleven, and we did not arrive until close to ten. I parked El Juevo at a convenient table to watch over our nuts and berries and Dar took a picture of him to document the moment:


Note the EMPTY TABLES in the background.  It seems, my friends, that not only were there no lines and no waiting, we were the ONLY ones there!  We had him all to ourselves!  Apparently, I was the only one in the greater Gulf Coast area who had been counting the days until the arrival of...The Santa Cow!

You would think that this is us whispering to the Santa Cow our deepest desires for Christmas, but nosireee, Bob!  We are checking him for TICKS!


Once we had determined that he was bug free, we tried to mount him sit on his lap, but his *thinks a sec* hmmm...what was she?  His helper?  His elfwoman?  His wife? I'm guessing she was his wife, because whoever or whatever she was, she was not happy with this attempt to ride the Santa Cow's leg, but I'm thinking that any human married to a cow has deeper issues to confront than two chubby chicks straddling his beefiness.


Anyway, this one is for YOU, BRAJA!  I can assure you that NO COWS WERE HARMED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS HOLIDAY GREETING!


Sadly, when we were done with our photo session there was nothing left for the Santa Cow to do, so they put him to work while we sampled their fried chicken gonads.  Those bad boys were HOT, but oh so good!  A big thank you to the folks at Chick-fil-A for making it all possible! Happy holidays to you all!

Lagniappe:


12 comments:

darsden said...

rotflmao...and I was there..too funny. But, hey while we were (being ever so polite) sitting on the santa cows lap...Turns out...My sister was being informed..."they better not be up to sumpin'...that's my babyboy up there"... OMG!!! His thighs...were like a bench...OMG..I molested a babybigboysantacow.. I must go to church now! (because even though I am who I am *smirk* I knows a big boy whenzt I sit upon his lap)

NurseExec said...

OK, that was the funniest thing I've read today, LOL!!!

julz said...

k...so now i have clean drawers cuz you made me dribble, and i need to know- didja photograph the chick in the foreground because she's fixin to hurl, or was it a happy coincidence? can you tell i have chick-fil-a issues?

julz said...

crap. now steph says i need to apologize for not recognizing dar in the pic. i think(hope)the atmosphere of this blog allows for errors of inebriation.

derfina said...

Dar-Santa did have nice strong legs, yes?

NurseExec-Thanks! We had fun doing it. Heh. I said doing it!

Julz-Dar has on a white shirt over her red one in the Santa pics. I am the one pointing at the camera. Incidentally, that chick 'fixing to hurl' is me-I was bouncing one of those chicken nads around in my mouth because they were too forking hot to let land on my tongue!

Braja said...

Now that is some fiiiine piece of bloggin' good stuff...curtsey and smooches Derfina....thank you for bein' so nice to that cow.

Ummm...am I gettin' this right: Dar found out afterwards it was her nephew in that cow outfit??!

derfina said...

Braja-No, actually Dar found out after we were done molesting the cow that the cow was the Santa's helper's (the one I thought was his wife) son. She was concerned that we were going to take advantage of her poor innocent little boy, not her hubby. I have news for her. Her little boy is all man...er...cow.

*smooches*

Stepping Thru said...

Santa Cow............ROFL! I thought it was bad when I saw Santa Chicken in a parade last week.

Lilly's Life said...

Personally I would take a cow over Santa Claus any day...

Braja said...

Derfina, we're so attuned...my blog is about cows tomorrow (or about 6 hours, your time) Real ones. And Lilly rocks :)

rassles said...

I cannot believe no one wanted to see a cow in a Santa suite. People are just ridiculous, and obviously have no taste.

derfina said...

SteppinThru-Who ever heard of a Santa Chicken?

Lilly's Life-He was much mo' beefier than the fat guy!

Braja-Loved her hoof pic-see? I even like cow footwear!

Rassles-I know, right? I thought there would be police directing traffic and chit. And they call themselves southerners. *shakes head*