A New Crack In My Armor

Heh.  Yeah, I know.  Crack.  I said it.

I wish I could laugh about it, but in this case I am very sad to say that that isn't possible right now.  I knew this was coming--in fact, I've been expecting it.  I just didn't know how much it was going to get to me.

The armor is around my heart, and I am afraid that it is broken.  I don't know it I wear it to keep things out, or to keep them in, but either way it has been breached today.  

I really dislike writing 'in the moment'.  Emotions tend to make me say things I will regret, but I doubt that will be the case today. *She says as she sits sniffling, snotting and snorting into her hanky*  I guess this is just another case of me feeling helpless.

You see, normally (or whatever passes for normal around ME, anyway) I try not to hit my reader before I sit down to write because I don't want other blogs to 'flavor' what I write.  This morning, however, I was curious to see if anyone else was talking about losing several followers in what was a matter of about an hour yesterday, as three people on The Beautifulist just up and disappeared.  I talked to a friend last night who said it had happened to several people she knows too and that it was a Blogger problem, so I didn't get out my hari-kari knife (yet) (although I know who is missing and if it is deliberate it hurts, but I really digress).  Anyway, I never got to skim through the 'blurbs' in my reader because the first one on my list was Clusterfook.

It is time, ya'll.  She is DYING, and I can't do anything about it but sit here and blubber like a baby.  What's worse, is she is SUFFERING.  If I could do ANYTHING in the world right now to take away her pain, the pain of her family having to watch her suffer-my GOD, the pain they must be feeling.  If I think I feel helpless, it just makes my whole body ache to think of what Dude and those kids of hers must be going through.

"But you don't even know her."  No, *she types as she sucks back a big old wad of snot* I've never had the privilege of meeting her in person.  *light bulb moment*  But she let me see the SHINY parts of her.  I think that is the beauty of Blogsville.  We get to show off our pretty parts.  No one sees anything that we don't let them.  In Lisa's case, I got to see beauty and courage and pride.  Fierce, fierce courage.  And strength, both physical strength and strength of character.  I don't know if I could do what she did, because I dread the thought of anyone seeing me weak.  In myself, it pisses me off.  In her case, I think her weakness emphasizes her strength.  

Please join me in lifting her and her family up today to whatever deity or power you believe in. They are receiving an amazing soul.  I will miss her.