About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Watch Out Folks, She's Gonna Blow

Heh. I said she's gonna blow. *snort* Too bad I tickle myself so easily-for YA'LL, not for me!

So I've been thinking a lot about yesterday's post, and what is making me so supremely wormy, and I think I fingered something out. And before I delve into this, let me start by saying this is not about YOU *looks to the west* or about anyone else in particular, so don't go getting your knickers all in a twist and send me "Have I done something to make you mad?" emails. This is about ME.

I guess New Years coupled with this trip and the fact that the Innocent Bystander asks me way too frequently what it is actually that he pays me for made me decide to try to class up my act a bit. I am usually a pretty much what you see is what you get kinda girl, but in the interest of preserving the life to which I've become accustomed, I came to the conclusion that I needed to purty things up. I am deceptively high maintenance, and I know how HE thinks ("You can't polish a turd, Jackie") so I got out my lotions and potions and goos and have been trying to shine just a little. Sometimes it seems an exercise in futility, but now and then I see a glimmer of something that gives me hope.

Enter the flies in the ointment. I have been forced in the last few days to recognize some lumps in the oatmeal of me. The underlying brass sometimes shows through despite my best efforts to electroplate myself in the platinum of life, and it just gnaws at me like a dog worrying a fresh meaty bone. Sometimes I just hate being human.

Sometimes I forget things, which freaks me the hell out because I am so farking paranoid about Alzheimer's disease. Sometimes I am, against my better judgement, very judgemental (HA! WHO, ME??). Too many times more than I care to admit I am impatient and intolerant, mostly of STUPID PEOPLE (again, who, me? Judgemental?) and I want to pinch their little pointy heads off and spit down their necks. I am pretty good about not mouthing off when I am angry, because that is when I use words as weapons, and sometimes they make wounds that are harder to heal than any surgical incision, but I fear that the next dipshit asshole that crosses my path is going to be walking into a shitstorm of vitriol the likes of which I would not wish on Beelzebub himself. I am Vesuvius just waiting for Pompei, dammit.

So I guess he's right. There just isn't enough polish for this turd.


Improbable Joe said...

Being judgmental is a good thing. What else are our brains fucking for?!?!It is natural and right to judge people... as long as we judge as fairly and accurately as possible. If someone is judged fairly and fails to measure up, it is your solemn duty to stomp a mudhole in them.

YMMV, of course.

darsden said...

LOL *smirk* not buying it Lol!

Braja said...

Hey wait. Did I write that?

Join the club, Ms Vesuvius.....

Christine Gram said...

Love ya Jackie... really really.

Just let it be about you. Maybe you need something. Maybe you need less of something. Maybe just a nap (always helps me).

I'll love ya even if you do blow. Heck, I'd probably be cheering.

Rassles said...

Do not worry, friend. All will gather into goodness. Soon.

Dana said...

Polished or not, lumpy oatmeal, brass shining through...you are special regardless. Not in the short bus way. All of these "flaws" you point out make you even better.

derfina said...

Improbable Joe-I feel I am going to exercise my solemn duty (heh-we both said duty) SOON.

Dar-Funny. Ya mama sure bought it. She even bought EXTRA.

Braja-Didja ever see Animal House? John Belushi's impression of a zit? That would be me.

Christine-One of the few things I HATE is losing control, and when I blow, it ain't gonna be pretty. I just don't want to unleash that on some poor, unsuspecting DOOFUS that doesn't really deserve it.

Rassles-You can be my personal magic eight ball.

Dana-*adjusts helmet* Awww...Thankee kindly, Ma'am! *tips helmet and curtsies*

*smooches* to all!

Koolio said...

You and I sound like twins. Are you sure we weren't separated at birth?! 'Cause seriously, you're the only other person I know who uses "knickers" instead of "panties". Just sayin'. xo

Mama Dawg said...

Honey, you are way more polished than you give yourself credit for.