About Me

My photo
I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A New Crack In My Armor

Heh.  Yeah, I know.  Crack.  I said it.

I wish I could laugh about it, but in this case I am very sad to say that that isn't possible right now.  I knew this was coming--in fact, I've been expecting it.  I just didn't know how much it was going to get to me.

The armor is around my heart, and I am afraid that it is broken.  I don't know it I wear it to keep things out, or to keep them in, but either way it has been breached today.  

I really dislike writing 'in the moment'.  Emotions tend to make me say things I will regret, but I doubt that will be the case today. *She says as she sits sniffling, snotting and snorting into her hanky*  I guess this is just another case of me feeling helpless.

You see, normally (or whatever passes for normal around ME, anyway) I try not to hit my reader before I sit down to write because I don't want other blogs to 'flavor' what I write.  This morning, however, I was curious to see if anyone else was talking about losing several followers in what was a matter of about an hour yesterday, as three people on The Beautifulist just up and disappeared.  I talked to a friend last night who said it had happened to several people she knows too and that it was a Blogger problem, so I didn't get out my hari-kari knife (yet) (although I know who is missing and if it is deliberate it hurts, but I really digress).  Anyway, I never got to skim through the 'blurbs' in my reader because the first one on my list was Clusterfook.

It is time, ya'll.  She is DYING, and I can't do anything about it but sit here and blubber like a baby.  What's worse, is she is SUFFERING.  If I could do ANYTHING in the world right now to take away her pain, the pain of her family having to watch her suffer-my GOD, the pain they must be feeling.  If I think I feel helpless, it just makes my whole body ache to think of what Dude and those kids of hers must be going through.

"But you don't even know her."  No, *she types as she sucks back a big old wad of snot* I've never had the privilege of meeting her in person.  *light bulb moment*  But she let me see the SHINY parts of her.  I think that is the beauty of Blogsville.  We get to show off our pretty parts.  No one sees anything that we don't let them.  In Lisa's case, I got to see beauty and courage and pride.  Fierce, fierce courage.  And strength, both physical strength and strength of character.  I don't know if I could do what she did, because I dread the thought of anyone seeing me weak.  In myself, it pisses me off.  In her case, I think her weakness emphasizes her strength.  

Please join me in lifting her and her family up today to whatever deity or power you believe in. They are receiving an amazing soul.  I will miss her.


Rassles said...

I always say, man, sometimes people are shiny. I'm sorry about your friend.

Anonymous said...

I've seen that name around, and have considered visiting the blog, but always stayed away; who needs yet another blog to read? But then I remember . . . people read MY blog, and have come to care about me anyway, and that support is sometimes the only thing we can cling to.

So I'm off to visit, to comment, and to do what we bloggers do best . . . lift one another up . . .

darsden said...

Oh wow I am sorry to hear that. I know you have made reference to her before and really sorry to hear she is suffering. xoxo

I too had people disappear on my love list. (u know me I take everything personal) nice to know it's just not me.

Anonymous said...

i am very sorry.

i think God will also see her shiny parts.

derfina said...

Rassles-She was one of the shinier I've come across. I'm sorry too. Thanks for caring.

tysdaddy-I have so many blogs in my reader it can be overwhelming at times, but then I remember the same thing. I appreciate your sentiments, and especially your post today. She has so many of us lifting her up today. I hope it helps.

Dar-The suffering they are going through is the worst of it. I just feel so freaking HELPLESS.

Nancy-I have total faith that He sees all of our shiny parts. He'll have no problems with her-she'll be a BEACON.

*smooches* to all!

La Belette Rouge said...

I don't follow her blog but that does not at all protect my heart from the shock of reading this horrible news.I am so sorry.
Hugs to you and love to your tender heart.xo

darsden said...

Honey, I think we should go get a tree or shrub to plant! Make a name plate. We can plant it by you, by the house, or over on our lil sandbar we visit! xoxo

Pearl said...

Ah, derfina, I'm sorry for your friend's pain -- and for yours.

You don't have to have met someone in person to love them.


Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I'm so sorry Derfina about your friend. I'm with Pearl. I feel very connected to my friends online.

julz said...

I've followed Lisa's blog since the Christmas thing,and will miss her. You don't have to meet someone face to face to love them..might not recognize you immediately, but I'm kinda attached, ya know?

you have a HANKY? jeez

julz said...

Tried not to, but the meanie in me really hopes Barbara is feeling really good about herself today.

Vodka Mom said...

oh My god. I'm going over right now.

jesus, I've been trying to not think about this- but I I always always do....

derfina said...

La Belette Rouge-We are losing a kindred-thank you for your sentiments.

Dar-I have something in mind that I'll bring up for discussion when things have settled down. Good idea.

Pearl-*looks directly into your eyes* No, we don't have to meet in person, do we?

PHST-I do too. You are all very REAL to me.

Julz-It's only been what...thirty five years since I laid eyes on you? But I bet I would recognize you-we looked way too much alike as kids. And yes, always at least one hanky, usually a 'working' one and a clean one hid somewhere-they come in quite handy (ala Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe-I can't realistically carry a towel).

Vodka Mom-Yeah, I can't use the old "ignore it and it will go away" in this case.

*smooches* to all!