About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Goodbye, Lisa, Goodbye

Well, the word is out.  The suffering is over-the physical part, anyway.  Lisa Kelly from Clusterfook passed away last night at around 11:30.  You would think that I would be limp as a noodle, sitting here sobbing like a baby, but weirdly enough, I'm not.  I don't know if I got it all out of my system, or, more likely, that I realize how hard I've been praying for the suffering to end and realize that in some ways this is a good thing.  I mean, of course, that her pain, and the pain that Dude and Cam and Teenie had to watch is done with.

Maybe that pain serves a good purpose-it is the thing that allows us to let go.  Lisa made it clear in her last few posts that all she wanted at that point was time.  Time with her family and friends, time to come to grips with what was happening to her.  She was hanging on so fiercely that perhaps the pain was the only thing that would allow her to let go from this life.  And seeing her in that amount of pain was probably the only reason they were willing to let her go.

God, she was strong.  I couldn't do it.  I just can't imagine myself having that kind of strength.  I mean, if I found out I had cancer I would fight, of course-no one in their right mind wouldn't. But come on!  Ovarian cancer?  THREE TIMES?  I know me, and at some point, once I knew things were not going to get better, I would have to leave.  I don't know that I would have the courage to write about it, because I'm all about the shiny parts, folks.  I want to be remembered as fun and happy and someone who could make you smile.  Not that Lisa wasn't, I'm just saying I don't think I could do it (No, not today-I'm not thirteen today.) with her grace.  I don't want my family to ever have to remember me suffering.  I just want to be able to go somewhere that no one knows me and do any pain and suffering as privately as possible.  Not for me-for everyone else.  I mean, face it, bitchy is not pretty, and I'm pretty sure I would be the Supreme Cancer BITCH.

But this is about Lisa.  I'm sure heaven is throwing a welcoming party the likes of which we can only imagine.  Tequila.  Sushi.  Ribs.  Choirs of angels singing Rolling Stones tunes.  Wonderful company-some old souls she hasn't seen in ages and new ones she's about to charm.  In an odd way, I am happy for her.  Because you know?  It is what it is.

*smooches* 








6 comments:

darsden said...

Wonderful post honey, about your friend Lisa. Sorry about the loss to her family, but so relieved she is not suffering any more! I don't think I would have her grace either...I would hope too...

won said...

You'd be surprised at what you can do when you don't have a choice...

trust me on that one.

I have no doubt you have it in you too.

Here's hopin' you never have to find out though!

coastrat said...

Sorry about the loss of your friend. You appear to be handling it OK. Thought your post was wonderful.

mikkie said...

Good post -- you said it very well. We'll all miss Lisa's spark. She was a wonderful role model of how to go through the worst times with great strength. I'll never forget her.

Braja said...

You never know what you have in you..

tysdaddy said...

She was the very definition of a trooper . . .