About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Identity Crisis

I don't know what has happened since the Innocent Bystander left, but by all indications, when he left my body quit producing testosterone.  That is the only explanation I can come up with.

For one thing, as I already mentioned, I am just one quick leg hump away from the mother of all big O's.  This did start before he left, but it has gotten progressively worse as time has passed.  I can just see myself meeting him in Amsterdam.  He gets there two hours before I do if all goes as planned, so we will be able to take the train from Schiphol to Centraal together. Wish there were a way to get a private compartment.  I have visions of riding him like a mechanical bull, my free hand keeping time in the air for balance.  Sloppy dismount, I'm sure, but at that point, who would care?

Then there is the fact that against my better judgement, I have again started carrying a purse.  I was doing just fine without one, but like I said-testosterone leak.  And I don't do anything halfway, so I went whole hog.  Embracing the womyn in me ^arched eyebrow^ I chose this beauty from Dooney & Bourke:

Of course, as soon as I bought it and carried it for a day, my inner dyke rebelled, so I went back to the mall and bought this KAVU, which opens up to mid-backpack size:

Now I have to make a decision as to which one I'll take with me.  We don't check baggage (although we will have to on our flight from Amsterdam to Barcelona) so I can't just take both.  I guess the five and a half weeks between now and then will tell.

And finally, we get to this morning.  I don't know what the pluck is up with this, but for some reason, when I went to choose shoes to wear as I fart around the houseboat today cleaning birdcages and mopping floors, out of all my choices, these are what I picked:

Four inch high wedgies.  Me.  KLUTZ, Inc.  Thank goodness I 'know people' at my orthopaedic doctor's office.  Maybe they can refer me to a shrink whilst my soon to be broken ankles heal.


Dana said...

Yeah, I wouldn't make it too far in those shoes before I broke something. My luck, it would be my back and I'd be a paralyzed married single parent. Gah!

Purses...I am still carrying the one given to me by Dad and Co. for Christmas...two years ago.

Mama Dawg said...

"sloppy dismount" *snort*

NurseExec said...

I simply LOVE that purse. Now, if only I weren't unemployed, LOL!

darsden said...

Looks like you are wishing spring in early to missy. You should hold a poll to see which purse is voted in. Me I think you should give me the D & B let me work it...whislt you be working the cute backpack one that holds that special Book you carry and since you are traveling...you can't abuse D & B so give to me...hey, only for you would I make a lil diddy.

derfina said...

Dana-I lasted until one this afternoon when I went over to the house. The third time I tried to roll my ankle I fingered I'd tempted fate enough.

Mama Dawg-It's all about the getting there! ^^groucho eyebrows^^

Nurse Exec-I do, too. I've never had one this nice before.

Dar-I think the KAVU is going to win out simply because it has a larger capacity and weighs less!

derfina said...

Oh! And...

*smooches* to all!

Braja said...

You're doin' sexy shoes, Derfina