About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Thursday, September 4, 2008


I guess it would make sense to introduce the principals in my life. My husband is Johnny. We have been married for 18 years. He is a jackup boat captain, and is currently working in Nigeria. He has also worked in Trinidad and Venezuela in the past 15 or so years, as well as for a few US companies out of Texas and Louisiana. It sounds like he changes jobs frequently, but in his line of business, you tend to follow your boat, so if the boat gets sold, you change companies. However, you also tend to follow money, so...

My oldest son is Ronny (24). He is married to my beautiful daughter in law Jamie. He is in the Air Force, and is a loadmaster on a C-5. He lives in Dover, Delaware and goes to places no mother wants to think about *LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA* . He and Jamie both play World of Warcraft. They actually play the game. I dabble.

My youngest son is Alex (21). He is currently attending theater classes at MGCCC JD campus. He has been affected by cerebral palsy since birth, and epilepsy for most of his life as well. He has a vagus nerve stimulator, and has had since he was 13. He loves acting and all aspects of theater production. He lives in a cute little house we bought after Katrina that is exactly 1/2 mile from the houseboat.

My oldest bird is Nemo. I have had him since March 1998 when he was four months old. He is a Congo African Grey. He is very verbal, particularly when I am on the phone.

My middle bird is Ahab. I got him about a year after I got Nemo. He is a maroon bellied conure. He was a clown when he was a baby-when we bought him he was sleeping on his back on the bottom of his cage. Sad to say he grew outta that habit.

The baby of the bunch (batch? clutch? nest?) is Moby. He is an asshole, and has been since day 1. I got him in a trade-ha! Joke was on me. I had this mean bitchy female ringnecked parakeet (if memory serves-been a long time) named Mrs. Ching (a female pirate once upon a time) and a fairly nice large cage I had no place to store, so I took them both to a bird fair and traded them to a breeder for this little monster. They got a bird and a nice cage, I got Beelzebub personified in a 4" bird body. He did not fly for a full year after we got him, so I thought perhaps he was developmentally delayed, injured or just plain stupid-looks like stupid was the likliest of the 3. After 7 years, he still will not step up onto a finger without first giving it a healthy nip, and that is only if he has flown off the cage and stranded himself. I was trying to give Ahab a companion to replace his previous love, a beautiful sun conure named Drake whom we lost to a dogbite. Mrs. Ching didn't work (Ahab was starting to pluck himself) so Moby was our next (fortunately successful) attempt. He is just plain downright mean, both to us and to Ahab, who apparently likes it a little rough. All of the birds live on the houseboat with Johnny and me.

(btw...I keep saying he/him when referring to any of the birds [except that bitch Mrs. Ching] because we identify them as males, although we have no idea what sex they are...With these types of parrots, they have no visible sexual organs, so there is surgery involved if you really just have to know, i.e. breeders, vets etc. We don't care either way, it is just easier to pick a way to refer to them and stick with it.)

And I am Jackie, aka Derfina. I worked for a million years for an answering service, first as an operator, then as an assistant manager, then as a manager. Later in my working life, I worked for an outstanding group of orthopaedic specialists. I worked in their call center for 5 years, then moved to the front desk in the office closest to my home. At this point in our lives, I don't absolutely have to work, so last year I decided to leave my job and become a stay at home wyfe. Retired. No longer working for a standard employer. KEPT WOMAN just sounds so slutty.


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