About Me

My photo
I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Okay.  I have survived the plague.  I was going to tell you the story of the song today, but I am pressed for time due to an obligation with El Juevo, and I have some pressing announcements, so the story is going to have to wait ONE MORE DAY.  Sorry...MADE YA LOOK!!!

First.  Yes, a woman was murdered who lives on Shingle Mill Landing Road, but NO, it was not me.  Nor did I have anything to do with it.  From what I have been told and have heard on the news, the lady in question was wheelchair bound and that when they found her, they first thought she died of natural causes, but that they later discovered a deep puncture wound on her neck (rumor has it the back of her neck) which is why they are investigating it as a homicide.  The only possible scenario I can come up with to explain why they first thought it was natural causes and still account for what had to be at least SOME blood would be maybe a fall from the wheelchair. They are also reporting that she did not routinely lock her doors.  Robbery is the suspected motive.

FYI for those of you who can't imagine me staying here under these circumstances:  I lock my door religiously.  I can feel a three pound kitteh the minute she steps onto my gangway, so I doubt very seriously anyone could get on this boat without my knowledge.  Not to mention my early warning duck duck goose system.  I also have thirty eight very special ways to say get the fuck out of my house. I have very suspicious neighbors who are aware of everything that goes on in 'the hood.'  I also have a bar full of rednecks overlooking my houseboat who would LOVE an excuse to come to my defense-think of all the free beers THAT would get'em from the Innocent Bystander.  *bats eyes*  Mah heros.

Next.  For those of you who have one Kindle but wish you had another?  If you have an IPhone, you now have a free second Kindle.  You have to download the software from the Apple Application Store (free) and you have to have the latest version of your IPhone (or certain versions of the IPod/ITouch) software installed, but that beats the hell out of spending $359 for another Kindle.  I actually like the IPhone version better than the original because I can turn pages faster AND it is backlit.  This means I can take all my books with me and NOT have to take my Kindle, risking it getting broken or stolen.  It is all synched with your regular Kindle.  Who'da thunk it?  A freebie IN THESE TOUGH ECONOMIC TIMES.  

And last.  A request.  This one is easy.  In the process of downloading said Kindle software to my IPhone, I inadvertently lost ALL OF MY CONTACTS.  Can we say "OH SHIT OH DEAR"?  I'm talking ALL of them.  I know that those of you who know me in person think I am a walking telephone directory, but honestly?  Since I have been out of the workforce and had no reason to keep them in my memory banks, they have been purged from my brain.  Other things (mostly shiny ones) have taken their place, so I need your help.  Family, friends, wyves, bitches, Romans, countrymen-THIS MEANS YOU!!!...I need yo' numbers.  Please email me at derfina@aol.com and send me your telephone numbers and physical addresses, purty please.  I promise that, this time, I will have the foresight to back them up.  If I don't forget.



darsden said...

I heard about that on the new. That is one sorry MF*cker for killing a helpless person in a wheel chair. God is gonna get that one!
LMAO 38 ways?
Glad you are feeling better. Cool beans for your vacation coming up with the kindle and Iphone luv connection.

Dana said...

That news hadnt made it to Texas. Or maybe it had and I havent watched the news? Either way I am glad that I found out about it at the same time as finding out you were fine...else I woulda been goin batshit crazy worrying..ya know how I am :)

I so should shit the money for an Iphone. I think maybe one day...

Glad you feel better too!

I dont think you ever had my number or address, but if you want it I will send it LOL

Captain Steve said...

I avoid the news. Glad you're not the dead lady, though, dear.