About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Monday, March 16, 2009


I am afraid to leave the house, for fear I will be the next wreck of the day.  I am afraid to get excited, for fear I will have a stroke.  I mean, if it can happen to people I read every day, people who are so freaking SOLID in my head, I can't help but think that it could happen to me, too.  So what do I do?

I cook.  And then I eat.  And I feed my neighbors.  And strangers.  I took a pot of spaghetti up and dropped it off at the Shingle Mill on Saturday, and yesterday I made a VAT of chicken curry (with the last of my Trinidadian curry, dammit) and a loaf of banana bread.  I think I have eaten my weight in curry, and my ass feels like I slathered it on with a trowel.  I ate one slice of the banana bread, then realized that if I didn't get it out of the houseboat immediately, I would have to end the day with my finger down my throat.  I took two slices to El Juevo, two to the couple who runs the little convenience store down the road, and gave my neighbors the rest.  I also doled out a little of the curry here and there, but I saved most of it to freeze, because I am stingy, and also because I just don't think anyone around here can really appreciate it properly. I mean, it's not deep fried and there is no LARD in it.  *bitch slaps self*  That was not NICE, Jacquelynn.

I can't possibly keep this up.  I have used everything in my freezer except various and sundry Lean Cuisines, Smart Ones, and Healthy Choices, so there is nothing left to cook.  I am almost out of bottled water.  I am tired of bailing out my little boat (the battery that runs my little sump pump is d.e.a.d. dead, so I am having to bail it out by hand twice a day to keep it from sinking from all the rain we've been having) (it's no fun bailing IN THE RAIN) so I need to go get a new battery.  How do I MAKE myself get in the car?

Eleven more days.  Surely I can make it eleven more days.  Ahhh, my kingdom for a xanax.


Improbable Joe said...

There could be a meteor headed for you even as we speak, so you had better get in your car NOW!

darsden said...

I have a whole jar of those lil blue thingys.

Rassles said...

I do not know how to solve your car problems, but I will take some curry.

derfina said...

Improbable Joe-Now THAT is motivation.

Dar-I. WANT.

Rassles-I dunno. This stuff requires a sophisticated palate, and you drink PBR. I'll think about it.

*smooches* to all!

NurseExec said...

How do we get some of your rain...it's desert conditions around here lately...