Melancholy baby

I'm really missing the Innocent Bystander.  I rectom it is because I have all the rest of my family close for a change, and it just doesn't feel complete without him.  I also have an assload of running around to do today and don't feel like lugging this 'puter around with me trying to find wifi hotspots to post from today, so I'm going to keep it short and sweet.

I have had several people ask me what the IB does that takes him to all the exotic *smirk* locales that he works in.  He is a jack up boat captain.  When I tell people that, unless they happen to be from the Gulf area, they usually look at me blankly.  That is, of course, those who get past the words 'jack up' without shooting whatever liquid is handy through their nostrils.  Usually people hear what they want to, and I know in some peoples minds, they imagine they heard me say "jack off captain" instead of jack UP.  (Oh, great...now THAT image is going to be stuck in my head on a loop all day like some old Beatles "Chicken To Ride" song.)  In order to clear up this cornfusion, I fingered a picture or two would speak eversomuch more eloquently than I could ever hope to.  *smooches*

Winding down

Well, the party is almost over.

The last week has been hectic, what with all the parties and running out for just one last thing for the Innocent Bystander to take back to the Fatherland about a million times. Now we are down to the last day home, and soon it will be mere hours before it is time to make that excruciating drive to the airport. He has all the pickles and peanut butter and chicken noodle soup his bags can hold, so I guess he's ready.

My body knows it is time. We have had what boils down to 5 weeks of concentrated F.U.N. and I have not eaten near enough vegetables or gotten adequate excercise (unless you count that which I got on my back...or...*shakes head*...nevermind...) or sleep and I think I may have drank ALL the beer. I will pay for this debauchery. Dearly, I'm sure.

It is a bittersweet time. The weather has been absolutely picture perfect just about every single day that he's been home. Clear, bright sunny days and cool nights that seem to last forever. The food has been awesome, and the company stellar. We have laughed more this hitch than we have in a long time. Me writing seems to have amped up the funny around us. But now, the lovemaking turns more sweet and tender, like we are trying to memorize every inch of flesh, every sensation. Definitely not the frantic clashing together of parts is parts as we rush to get out of clothes and decide ohfuckit just DO IT NOW that was the first couple of weeks he was home. No, now we take our time, knowing it will be a long time until next time. The only action around here will be of the laundry and sweeping and normal vacuuming of feathers and cleaning of cages that is my life for the next who knows how long until he comes home again.

Oh, and I neglected to tell you that we won the Most Original Costume ribbon at the Halloween party Friday night. As you can see, we had both daytime and nighttime costumes. Can you guess what we were?

All hail the Innocent Bystander OR My husband is not a douchebag

You know, sometimes I need to take the Innocent Bystander a little more seriously. He's such a goobersmooch that I sometimes forget some of the perils of his job.  As I've said, he works in Nigeria.  Now while this is not such a third world nation that they walk around with bones in their noses, they still have a lot of problems with things that we take for granted.  Lack of clean drinking water.  A horrible reputation for corruption both in their government and their everyday lives.  Police who IF they answer the phone when you are in need won't come to your house which is being broken into because they don't have gas in their cars-unless you'll give them gas money when they get there-oh, and a little something extra for their trouble. Rampant AIDS. And malaria.  

We were sitting here last night and he reminded me of this.  He has been giving me the old "I'm sick" routine and laying around on the couch a lot since he's been home, and I just chalked it up to jetlag and a wee bit of hangover.  You know.  Beer squirts and such.  And we ARE the kind of people who operate under the 'self inflicted gets no pity or mercy' rule.  Until he mentioned that he had been in Nigeria for all this time taking malaria pills.  And that he'd stopped about a month ago because he'd not been bitten by a single mosquito in all the time he'd been there.  Until THE DAY HE LEFT when he got bitten in the cab on the way to the airport.  Lovely.  Here I've been ignoring what I was in my brain referring to as THE BIG PUSSY when he may really have a life threatening disease.  I guess sometimes I'm the big fat prick around here.  He seems better today, but now I'm really going to worry every time he coughs or sneezes, which he will probably milk for all it's worth.

I'm keeping it short today.  We had the inevitable "we are not going to live our lives around your blog" talk this morning, because I wanted to know before we set out on our morning errands (tithing at Wallyworld, cutting grass and putting the boat back into the water, don'tcha know) when I would be able to sit down for awhile to tend to my little obligation here.  Because I do feel a certain obligation.  I am thrilled that you are here, and I know how I feel when the blogs I follow just suddenly stop for a period of time.  I'm thinking things like, "Hey, where is PlungerGirl?  Surely she hasn't just passed the vaginas and boobies on to me and then just abandoned us all?" or "What about Lisa over at Clusterfook?  Is she having one of her good days, or is this one where we all need to be sending her happy thoughts and prayers?" and "I wonder how Jen's book edit is coming?" and "Is that girl (Jenny?  I read so many I sometimes get confused) still feeling like the baby inside her feels like a mason jar sized fart?" "What about The Blogess?  Has she gotten any blood or pot yet?"  You all matter to me, even the perverts and sickos.  Maybe especially the perverts and sickos.  And I'm thinking about you, and planning what I'm going to tell you next.  But the Innocent Bystander is going to have to come first, and part of that is going to have to involve some limits on my time.  So I am trying to get into a routine where I write during his nap in the early afternoon right after lunch-I can't wait until nighttime because that cuts into valuable drinking time.  And after all, he IS the one that makes this all possible, and I would like to continue being taken care of in the manner to which I've become accustomed.  Because face it.  I am MUCH higher maintenance than I look.