About Me

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I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

See, What Happened Was...

Hmmm. Where do I start when it's been over a month?

*peers out the window at "THE MAN" as they are known around here*

I guess the best way to do this would be to give you the Cliff Notes version first, then I will go back and elaborate as I see fit.

When I left ya'll, I had just made it to MECCA MECCA HI MECCA HIDEY HO Amsterdam all by myself and managed to clear customs and immigration AND find the Innocent Bystander, all within twenty minutes of landing at Schiphol. *pats self on the back ONE MORE TIME* Since then:

We spent five days there, then five days in Barcelona.

We came home to the aftermath of a flood of catastrophic proportions that had happened in our absence, during which mah kitteh had to be rescued from inside our elevated pumphouse (which still managed to go underwater.) It took a week of tromping around in the swamp to retrieve most of our crap that washed out of our yard and our shed here at the houseboat.

As soon as we had the majority of that chit cleaned up, dug out, washed off etc, it was time for Puss, as kitteh has come to be called, to be fixed. I had made her an appointment at the local Humane Society Spay & Neuter Clinic for one week after our return. As soon as we got back from our trip and saw her, we knew we were closing the barn door after the horse got out, but I took her anyway. The guy I made the appointment with had assured me that if that were the case, they would "take care of that little problem." The IB was concerned about her being a little Catholic kitteh, but I reminded him that she is half a trollopy little Episcopalian like myownself, which should explain her condition, and that I think the Pope would forgive her. Sure enough, they ended up performing a second trimester "solution" as well as the actual spay (and an everso fashionable green tattoo as a bonus, and we do be lovin' us some bone-eye, yes? Yes.)

I pick up Puss one day after her surgery, and the river conveniently floods again, trapping both us (if by trapped you mean we had to take the boat to the bar instead of walking or driving the four hundred feet from my front door to its) as well as Puss for the entirety of her convalescence, after which we spend another week digging out and drying up.

The next three weeks are a blur of crawfish boils, barbecues, an overhaul of the motorhome, merryment and mayhem, a funeral, massive quantities of Busch and Busch Light consumption, and a side trip to Pensacola to see *voice in my head reverberates 'THE LEGENDARY'* Joe Cocker at the Saenger Theater (fourth row center, thank you very much-and yes, mah panties were wet the whole time and ALL that implies. ^^groucho eyebrows^^).

Then came the wind-down. That last week when the laughter is brighter, the songs louder, the beer the coldest. When we have to acknowledge that there is a price for all this. The goodbyes are said, the instructions are given, the next trip is planned, and it is pretty much all over but the detox.

Since the IB has been back on the boat, I've been busy going back and forth between here, Gulfport and Mobile, trying to make up for lost time with El Juevo, my mom, and Dar. Now I am finally to the point where I can spend a day or two at home without having to go anywhere (other than taking El Juevo for surgery tomorrow-his vagus nerve stimulator malfunctioned so they are doing a revision in the morning) and I was going to take Dar out for a boat ride, but the river is full of "THE MAN" searching for the body of a fellow that disappeared on Mother's Day. (No, I had nothing to do with this one, for those of you who asked. *snicker*) (One of these officers out here is very dark complected, if you get my drift. Does that make him "THE BLACK MAN"?) (WHAT??? Who else am I gonna ask?) So far *peers out the window* no luck, and I have no desire to go help in the hunt. I am just praying to the sweet little baby Jesus that nothing gets hung up under the houseboat during the night-a three day dead gator is my only frame of reference, and I'd like it to stay that way.

So-that is the short version. I rectom I will sift through some pictures tomorrow whilst they are fiddling with my son's innards and will do some elaborating on the travel portions of this tale, at the very least. Let me know if there is anything in particular you'd like to hear about.

*smooches* to all!


Improbable Joe said...

So that means you've been having fun?

darsden said...

wonder how long "the man" is going to be around looking? I want to go for a boat ride dammit...oh, that kinda sounds rude and self centered...! So, when can we go.. Hope all goes well for Jr. tomorrow, I will be tied up on thursday and friday :-)) good to have ya back on line woman!

derfina said...

Improbable Joe-For the most part, yes-ending up in the hospital kinda sucked, but that's another story.

Dar-I guess when they find the floater, we'll take a ride. Tied up Thursday and Friday, eh? Like ya mama, a little chip of the old block, eh?

Rassles said...

Oh, I missed you! Welcome back. And you better elaborate on your adventures, friend, because I feel like I'm of a need-to-know mindset.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

What a grand month! Looking forward to the individual segments.

Have you ever watched Dexter? The body search reminded me of that show.

Pearl said...

Wow! I love how busy your life is! (And sorry to hear about the flooding and re-flooding -- and the funeral.)


♥ Braja said...

Forget Catholic kittehs, I'm just glad you're FINALLY back Miss River Pants....

Christine Gram said...

Oh so very nice to see ya again.

darsden said...

*whispers looking side to side.. I thought you were back*

Koolio said...

I hope for your sake that you don't get flooded out again and come home to find the man floating in the river floating in your home. Now that would make for a bad home-coming, doncha' think?!

And don't you think it's time to move to higher grounds?! Geez, I don't know how you do it!

J said...

So, tell me. Do you have time to take me for a boat ride? I would really like to see ya while I am in town next week. Jodie