About Me

My photo
I love a lot. I wait a lot. I try to find a lot to laugh at. I don't usually have trouble with that. I pray a lot. I'm not always sure who or what I pray to, but I firmly believe that prayer makes a difference. I try not to panic very often. I try to learn something new every day. I spend a lot of time poking my nose into other peoples' bidness via their blogs. I clean up an awful lot of feathers. You can dress me up, but you can't really take me out. I travel a lot when I can find bird sitters and we take them with us when I can't. I drink, prolly to excess, but I rarely get sick because my body is a hostile environment to germs (or maybe no SELF RESPECTING germ would LIVE in my body?) I collect: gnomes, passport stamps, MONEY-preferably US dollars or Euros, red headed womyn and chicks named Stephanie. My Momma taught me many many years ago that girls don't fart, they foosie. She taught me lots of other chit too. Thanks for stopping by-leave me a comment and let me know you were here, feel free to link to me, or email me at jacquelynn.fortner@gmail.com
Showing posts with label el juevo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label el juevo. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Christmas past


I can't believe I just sat here and drank a WHOLE pot of Starbucks Christmas Blend coffee.  I am freakin' VIBRATING, so if this contains typos...so sorry! ^shrug^ 

I did manage to get Dar over here on the pretense of getting the Christmas lights more securely attached to the roof before the supposedly 60 mile an hour winds that were predicted hit. Thankfully, that prediction did not come to pass.  The whole storm so far has consisted of nothing but a good soaking rain which we sorely needed, so no harm, no foul (but watch it, Mike Reader! Your track record...tsktsktsk. *shakes head*).

She gave me five thousand reasons why we couldn't go to Mobile as we finished lunch, so when we got back in the car and she had her seatbelt on, I just hit the childlocks on the doors and shanghai'd her ass.  I told that I just wanted to check out the mall over there and see what a picture with their Santa cost, and that it would be good exercise for both of us.  I also promised to stay at least ten feet from any shoe display.  This was merely a reconnaissance mission.  

I actually kept my promise.  She had to get a dig in, though.  We were walking through Dillards and she saw the shoe display up ahead and decided to torture me by browsing through them herself (which is a much MUCH less sensual experience, let me tell you!).  Well, I got her good. I noticed a conveniently placed set of mirrors that afforded me wonderful visuals of virtually the entire department.  I made a mental note of a loverly pair of BCBGs I will be revisiting at a later date.  

We finally made our way around the perimeter of the entire mall, and as we were leaving I realized that this mall had NO SANTA.  WTF???  All I can say is that my plan for Saturday had better pan out, or ya'll (in particular Braja)  just aren't getting a personalized Christmas greeting.  Not to mention, I need to whisper a thing or two in the big guy's ear.  A Christmas fantasy, if you get my drift.  ^^groucho eyebrows^^

Heh.  That reminds me of when the kids were little, taking them to see Santa every year.  I always did everything in my power to get the kids whatever they asked Santa for so that they would continue to believe for as long as possible, so we always encouraged them to only ask him for the one thing that they really really wanted.  El Juevo always came up with something unusual but I always seemed to be able to pull it out of my arse at the last minute, despite his rather odd tastes for a little kid.  Until the year he really got into wrestling, that is.

As I've said before, the apple does not fall far from the tree, and some of my obsessive compulsive behaviors have filtered down to Egg.  He started watching every single episode of every wrestling federation he could find.  WWF.  WCW.  UWF.  You name it, he watched it, and he knew every wrestler's statistics, finishing move and story line.  His favorite was always Shawn Michaels, but he had a particular fascination with a tag team, Doink the Clown and his partner, Dink.

When we went to visit Santa that year, I positioned myself close enough that I could hear what the kids asked for.  Ronny was predictable.  He wanted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Legos.  Nice, easy, normal requests.  Not the Egg.  My little Juevo gets on Santa's lap and gets asked the big question, "What do you want Santa to bring you, little boy?"  My darling son looks at him with big brown eyes shining with confidence in this jolly man who'd fulfilled all of his other Christmas requests and replied, "Amijitame."  Santa looked at me, and I looked at Ronny, who was better at interpreting Alex's slight speech impediment than anyone.  "What did he say?" I asked.  Santa asked Alex the same thing and again he replied, "Amijitame.  Like Doink." Ronny's eyes lit up and he piped up, "A midget of ME...He wants a midget of himself!" I was in shock.  I'm good, but I'm not THAT good!


It all worked out, though.  We got the kids a trampoline, and I took a bunch of Egg's old clothes and stuffed them with other old clothes for weight and sewed them together and made a miniature Alex!  He played with that wrestling dummy 'midget of him' (and slept with it!) for the life of the trampoline.  As he grew older, his requests grew more realistic.  Now that he's grown, Christmas is a matter of clothes and computer equipment and concert tickets.  But every time we are together and see a Santa Claus, my mind immediately sees that little boy and that look of complete faith, and I am transported to the days when Santa was REAL.  Because that, to me, is what Christmas is all about.  Childlike faith in something bigger than ourselves that can make anything happen.  And I'm not afraid to dream big!

Lagniappe:


Sunday, November 30, 2008

Bleme me up Scotty, it's Sunday!



I got a huge compliment yesterday.  El Juevo (pictured above) and I were eating lunch at a restaurant yesterday and this little boy ran by us who had a squeaker in one shoe.  It was precious, squeak stomp, squeak stomp, squeak stomp, so we were laughing and commenting on how cute he was.  As his mother caught up with him, she realized what we were laughing about and started telling us about this lady giving her all kinds of clothes her child had outgrown (I guess I have one of those faces-people seem to open up to me very easily for some reason, and I'll never look a gift BFF in the mouth).  Anyway, she sort of pauses and looks at Alex and me sitting there and asks "Do you two have kids?"  I BARKED out a laugh and told her he is my youngest kid which flustered the snot out of her, but I let her know in no uncertain terms that I love her long time.  Juevo was not quite as amused, as he just focused on the squick factor of he and his mother having kids.  I wish I'd gotten her address-I'd have baked her a cake!

I was scrolling through my reader yesterday and came across an interesting bleme on Sunday Stealing, and fingered that since this is the last day of NaBloPoMo AND a Sunday, I would take the easy way out and use a fill in the blanker.  Of course, as I go through the list, I may choose to expound on some of my answers, so I apologize if this gets long.  Go throw in a load of laundry and pour yourself a cuppa and come back if you feel you should be getting something done whilst I peel away the Seven Layers of me:


LAYER 1: Tell us your...

* Name: Jacquelynn
* Birthday (month, day): November 21
* Birthplace: Rodriguez Army Hospital, San Juan, Puerto Rico
* Current location: 15 feet from the bank, 22 feet from the bottom
* Eye color: as Daddy used to say, shit brindle brown
* Hair color: hmm...which one?  A mixture of blondes, browns and grays
* Height: 5'4"
* Righty or lefty: Righty
* Zodiac sign: Scorpio 

LAYER 2: What's...

* Your heritage: German, Irish and Welsh
* The shoes you wore today: slippers so far
* Your weakness: seafood
* Your fears: Alzheimers.  I saw its effect on my grandmother and am afraid it is working it's  destructive powers slowly but surely down the family line.
* Your perfect pizza: Not really a pizza person, but a cajun seafood with white sauce is okay
* Goals you’d like to achieve: To be paid to do this!
* Your first waking thoughts: Time to make the donuts clean up bird shit
* Your best physical feature: My second toe on my right foot is kinda cute
* Your most missed memory: My grandparents

LAYER 3: Do you...

* Smoke: *clears throat* Not cigarettes
* Cuss: Absofuckinglutely
* Sing: The Good Morning Jesus song
* Do you think you’ve been in love: See *cuss
* Did you go to college: Yes
* Liked high school: Ehh. ^^shrug^^
* Want to get/stay married: YES
* Believe in yourself: I'm here, aren't I?  What's not to believe? *wink*
* Think you’re attractive: No one has ever gnawed off a limb to get outta bed with me
* Think you’re a health freak: *SNORT* yeah, right.  My innards ARE, however, antiseptic.
* Get along with your parent(s): Very very very very well
* Like thunderstorms: Nope.  I love them.
* Play an instrument: No.  I play with some instruments, though.  Heh.  I said instruments.

LAYER 4: In the past month have you…

* Drank alcohol: Um, Hello?...Did you not see yesterday's post?
* Smoked: Not a single cigarette
* Done a drug: see *smoked
* Made out: *sniff* Yes, but barely-the Innocent Bystander has been gone almost a month now.
* Gone on a date: No, but I have a date with my kids and parents to eat at Imperial Palace  Casino buffet tonight (and I'm sure you know what THAT means)
* Gone to the mall: Yep.  I did a tiny bit of economic stimulating yesterday.  
* Eaten an entire box of Oreos: *GAG* Not just no, but HELL NO.  I'm not a chocolate person
* Eaten sushi: If California roll counts.  I don't do raw fish
* Been on stage: The world is my stage, so I rectom so
* Been dumped: No
* Gone skating: No, but I skate vicariously through my hockey team (who got the crap beat out  of them last night, 2-1...The telling thing was shots on goal, though.  Stingrays had 53 shots on  goal, Seawolves had 12.  How farking embarrassing
* Gone skinny dipping: Nope
* Stolen Anything: One last roll in the hay with the IB before he left.

LAYER 5: Have you ever…

* Played a game that required removal of clothing: sure
* Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: see layer 4
* Been caught “doing something”: OHMY YES.  That is a post for Ornery Woman
* Been called a tease: *looks at you from beneath my lashes* Who, me?
* Gotten beaten up: Only by myself.  I beat myself up all the time.
* Shoplifted: Never

LAYER 6:

* Age you did get/hope to be married: trial run-21, real deal-28
* Numbers and names of children (either you have or want): Ronny-25, Alex-21
* Describe your dream mate: A little boy trapped in a grown man's body mixed with the  strength of a bear, the humor of a comedian, the patience of Job, and the wisdom to know that  I'm more bark than bite.
* How do you want to die: Gracefully but ALL USED UP
* What did you want to be when you grow up: At 5 I wanted to be a stewardess or a housewyfe-WOOT!  I wore stoopid little dresses back then too, so take that one with a grain of salt.
* What country would you most like to visit: Israel


LAYER 7: Now tell...

* Name a drug you’ve taken illegally: Qualudes (Gosh, I miss the 70s)
* Name a person you could trust with my life: Sessie (myne FIRST and PRIMARY wyfe)
* Name a favorite CD that you own: Anna Nalick Wreck of the Day
* Number of piercings: Seven.  Five in my right ear, one in my left, and my belly button
* Number of tattoos: One very groovy bird on myne foot
* Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Once or twice-not sure
* Name a past experience that you regret: Dropping out of college before I got my degree

Lagniappe: